yummy smells and sadness...

Today was our annual Christmas dinner for our students and guests. It was an amazing amount of work, of which I did a little, but what I did was appreciated, mostly... The only real difficulty I had was with a donation that was made to give a gift to each student. Another student took control of the whole process and it left me feeling a little robbed. I wanted the gift to be anonymous and she insisted on changing the whole way it was presented, as she wanted it to be done by the students. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much, except that even though I didn't want to be acknowledged, (I have done this for the last several years) I also didn't want her to be acknowledged for what others had done. Pretty sad, eh? I feel petty, but it really did bother me. I initially decided that next year, I would just not contribute, but have decided that I will still do something, but anonymously outside of this day. The awesome thing about the day was how much I enjoyed the smell of the rare roast beef, ceasar salad, carrots, beans, potatoes and sweet potatoes, gravy etc. It didn't bother me that I wasn't eating it and I really truly enjoyed getting to smell it! It was another great session at clinic and I was reminded again of just how very fortunate I am to have the support and encouragement of family and friends, to be able to walk and exercise and to believe that I can do this. I saw the Dr this week too and he has decreased my thyroid medication as my levels are now high due to my decreased body size. I did talk to him about possible decreasing my anti-depressant in the spring and he seems to agree. I saw Bernie after clinic when he was getting ready to leave for work and I was quite overwhelmed with sadness about our marriage. The hopes and dreams tht I had for us must change and I think it is the loss of the things I wanted for us that made me so sad. I went for a walk right after I got home and that did seem to help. So now, I've had a good cry and will carry on. I also got an awesome Christmas card with a pic of 2 of my favourite little guys on it, so I had to call to thank them. That really cheered me up! In humble appreciation, elly "Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams." Ashley Smith