content

I feel good, relaxed after a long week. I had my first dinner out, thoroughly enjoyed a wonderful salad with homemade avocado dressing, and some super delicious crab legs, without butter! My taste buds just seem so clear that I don't need anything else. Thank you, Betty!

I also figured out how to scan barcodes with myfitnesspal, which is a huge help as it gives me all the nutritional information. I will be able to use it at the grocery store too.

I'm tired now and going to bed.

Hopefully, elly

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you."  Lao Tzu

something's fishy

The others at clinic laugh at me every time we review the amount of fish we should try to have in a week. I have never been a big fan unless it's battered and deep fried or red salmon from a can. I'm OK with having canned salmon once a week, but today I tried an experiment. Mia got me a silicon steamer for the microwave for Christmas and I put a fillet in it for 3 minutes in the microwave and it was pretty good. Not overcooked and I had added a little mustard, which was nice. I also tried yam noodles (shirataki) which have no calories. I did not enjoy them and I'm not sure if it was because I did them in the microwave too or if I'm just not gonna like them. I will try to let you know when I try them again.

I was thinking today that if I could put all the fat that I have lost into a bag on the floor I'm not sure that I would even be able to pick it up. Yet I carried it around as it was spread out and gathered over time. I am so grateful for how much less that burden is.

Love, elly

"The single best machine to measure trust is a human being. We haven't figured out a metric that works better than our own sort of, like, 'There's something fishy about you.'"  Simon Sinek

go ahead, feel good!

I hate to ever admit that Peter is even partially right, but today I must do exactly that.  It's easier to feel guilty than to feel proud.  It's easier to feel bad than to accept all the goodness and joy that life has to offer.  It is easier, and more comfortable to feel sad and sorry than to celebrate and rejoice in myself.  However, it serves no useful purpose, so fuck that.  I welcome joy into my life.  I celebrate my accomplishments.  I thoroughly enjoyed eating carrots today!  I love so many wonderful people who also love me.  I accept and welcome goodness into every aspect of my life.  I make space for tenderness and love, excitement and peace, health, wealth and wisdom.

I even celebrated a very tender moment with my husband today, and felt closer to him than I have for a long time.  We have been honest and kind to each other and sharing a real hug is still one of the most intimate and precious gifts to me.

Tomorrow starts the first day of two weeks of only 2 shakes, plus either two meals or one meal and two snacks.  I am excited and have tomorrow planned...cheese and grapes for morning snack, yogurt and apple for afternoon snack and salmon, green beans and yam noodles for supper.  Mmmmm, just what I need!

Tomorrow I must also attend a funeral for a friend's husband.  She has loved him since she was 16 years old and he loved her so much that he agreed to be resuscitated, even though he was ready to die at least 6 months ago.  He has been in heart failure, kidney failure, etc for some time.  Great love often causes great loss.  I am certain that their love will live on.

Lastly, please help me to envision a diagnosis and healthful solution to Mia's ongoing medical issues.  Thank you, my friends, elly

"You grow up a bit damaged or broken then you have some success but you don't know how to feel good about the work you're doing or the life you're leading."  Johnny Depp 

"I don't judge others. I say if you feel good with what you're doing, let your freak flag fly."  Sarah Jessica Parker  (oh yeah!)

special thanks for extra daughters

Ok, I love them and I like them.  Couldn't get much better eh?  They talk to me and listen to me.  They share their children willingly and I think they even appreciate what I give and get from their kids that they wouldn't if I wasn't around.  Sounding really impressive now, eh?  They accept my mistakes and imperfections, even though they grew up differently than we did and they do it without judgement (mostly).  They ask my advice and love me back.  They are both truly a gift to me.

Recently, they have started going to a few classes at the Y, sometimes in the evenings.  I go with them and I wouldn't go without them.  I don't need them and could go by myself but I know I wouldn't.  I would rationalize that I was too tired or it was too cold or I just don't want to go back out.  I am enjoying it so much and especially enjoy going with them.  It is also a nice change from walking, especially when it is so cold and the ground is frozen and uneven from freezing slush etc.  Occasionally Jason even comes too!

Maybe I should be more humble, but I'm just so happy I can't help myself, elly

"Not what we give, But what we share, For the gift without the giver Is bare." ~James Russell Lowell

score!

That's what they say when you get a goal, right?  Well this one feels so good in many ways.  I weighed in at the Y today at 202 lbs, for a total loss of 92 lbs and another goal reached.  As I'm writing, I'm thinking, 90, not 100...down to 202, not 200, but it is so significant none the less.  This 90 lb goal brings me so close to 200 lbs and at some point in my life I realized that once I was much over 200, it got very difficult and uncomfortable to ride my bike.  So guess what I'm planning for the spring?  Yup, gonna ride!

Initially I was gonna make my next goal to reach 200 lbs, but that seemed a bit ridiculous.  I had to go over the numbers several times to make sure I had it right, as it just seems so unbelievable that I am almost down to 200 lbs.  It feels so good.  My next goal will be to reach 190 lbs, so 12 more to reach it.  Sam, if you are reading, I will need my bike back! (Or did I already get it?)  I may need to hook a GPS up to it in case I forget my way back home!

Thank you, thank you, thank you all, your support means so much to my continued success.
elly

"I never give up. Doesn't matter what the score is."  Caroline Wozniacki 

"One who doesn't throw the dice can never expect to score a six."  Navjot Singh Sidhu 

update

I am enjoying my food and feel in control.  I'm planning well and selecting carefully when I will have my meal or snacks.  Right now we have a few more days of 3 shakes a day and one meal or two snacks of food.  They don't need to be the same meal every day, and like I said I choose what works best for me that day.  I am looking forward to adding another meal and getting rid of another shake next Thurs, when we will start 2 weeks of 2 shakes a day and 2 meals or one meal and two snacks.  (The calories for 2 snacks should roughly equal those of one meal.)  I feel quite satisfied with my food and my progress.

It was a quiet day, except when Daniel and Sam came over;  A  day of rest.

Love, elly

" I wish we could treat our bodies as the place we live from, rather than regard it as a place to be worked on, as though it were a disagreeable old kitchen in need of renovation and update."  Susie Orbach 

amazing!

Emily sewed herself a small bag with handles and a pocket on the front, with rick rack trim on the top.  She did it all on a very small sewing machine that she got from Grammy, but Grammy told her she would need to ask Gramma for directions on how to use it.  It is amazing (the bag I mean)!  I wish I had taken a picture to show you.

Grace brought along some books from school and she sat down with Gramma and read all three of them.  Two of them were quite easy for her, but the other one was a struggle and she persevered and WON! She read it twice just to prove she could; what an amazing reader!!

Grace and Emmy helped me plan lunch today, which was canned salmon, "Finn Crisp" crackers (mmm), cucumber with a little no fat ranch dressing for dip, dill pickles and then they both had some fruit and some peanut butter and apple butter wraps.  It was so amazingly delicious, and we had nothing on the salmon, no mayo, nothing!

We all went to Tim and Jen's tonight for taco night, and I had a shake and some undressed salad.  Then we read books, chased and played, then the kids pretended they were watching a movie and the grown ups played "Catch Phrase", with lots of interruptions for table dancing from the kids, occasional piano playing and a few "pick me up", "put me down"s thrown in for good measure.  It was amazing fun!

I am indeed blessed, and I know that I often say that, but it continues to amaze me, and I'm so grateful, elly

"When the shrivelled skin of the ordinary is stuffed out with meaning, it satisfies the senses amazingly."  Virginia Woolf


"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."
Anna Quindlen 

saggy

Short blog tonight... Granddaughters are here!

Everything is getting really saggy. Saggy ass, saggy tits, saggy chicken neck, saggy belly, saggy batwings (read upper arms), saggy thighs, even saggy ear lobes! However I think it's great. This morning when I was getting out of the pool and was returning some equipment to the storage room, I suddenly knew that I had a huge window in the arse end of my bathing suit. I could feel it as I walked and, of course, the 2 (male) lifeguards were behind me. There was nothing to be done so I carried on to the shower and then got my gym bag out to get ready for work. I examined the suit and lo and behold, no window! It just got saggy on my ass!!

Yeah, elly

"It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep or I'd be rotten to the core." Phyllis Diller

challenge

A day in Toronto, lots of food, boredom extraordinaire, no wifi and I was ready! I packed along my own water, so I could make a shake whenever I needed.  I also took along my own snacks, even though I know that there are always lots of healthy options at these meetings.  I knew that if I was eating from their food, I would have no way to measure amounts, nor would I know all of the nutritional information of the food that they had.  I really enjoyed my first honeycrisp apple in a long time, egg, yogurt and mandarin orange.
At lunch time, I walked the halls, up one flight, another hall, up another flight, another hall etc, until it was time to return.

I do have a headache now, but am so excited about my planning and execution.  I'm also excited that the girls are coming for a sleepover tomorrow!

So, so grateful, elly

"I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk."  Tony Robbins 

guilty

I had to do a lot of work today to stop feeling guilty. Lots of people had trouble with getting back to the food this week. I eventually figured out that it served no useful purpose to indulge in that feeling and that I have worked diligently for a long time already to get to this place. Not that I think I am always going to feel this confident, but I continue to believe it so that it will be so. I am NOT going to feel guilt about where I am and at the same time continue to have compassion for everyone struggling with addictions of any kind.

Technology difficulties today so will leave it at that, elly

"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man". Erica Jong

bored

Thank god for electronic equipment to take to meetings to combat the boredom!  It has been an issue for me in the past as I do get bored and eat because it is the only thing available to do and some of our district meetings are brutally painful and frustrating.  Not only are the meals all catered, including dessert, but there are always nuts, chocolate and chips around to have before during or after the meetings.  I have found that having something to do like check email, facebook or play a game really helps me to stay away from the junk and catered food.

I still have a sore throat, but am managing.  I'm really enjoying my food and had yogurt and macadamia nuts today! mmmmm

Love, elly

Sorry, I don't like any of the "bored" quotes and found them boring...

sore

sore throat...getting pretty pissed off about the amount of time I have spent feeling sick this winter.  I know it's minor and I do appreciate all the wonderful stuff in my life, but for tonight, I'm whining.  Tomorrow is another day.

I weighed in this morning at the Y at 205 lbs, for a total loss of 89 lbs and 5 more to my next goal.

Love, elly

"A good listener is not someone with nothing to say. A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat."  Katharine Whitehorn 

comedy of errors

I want to tell you about my adventures yesterday, just trying to have a snack. I filled the cup of my magic bullet and opened my shake packet.  Next I needed to mix metamucil into the powder before adding it to my water.  My shake packet was on one counter and the metamucil on the other.  In the process of moving one to the other, I realized that the lid was loose on the metamucil, and as I attempted to catch it before it spilled, I knocked over the water, and the container of metamucil fell anyway.  So now I had water and metamucil on the counter, floor and splashed everywhere it could reach.  I threw towels on the biggest sections of water and started thinking.  I figured as a lot of the metamucil was not in the water yet, maybe I could vacuum it before the dogs mixed it all together and dragged it everywhere.  Good idea, eh?  I realized that the vacuum was full, emptied it, put it back together, and voila, started sucking up all the dry powder.  I was doing really well too, until I started to see a cloud, looked behind me and it was spewing out of the vacuum vent as fast as I was sucking it up the other end.  Yup, you guessed it, I forgot to put the filter back in!  So now I had spread the sticky powder all over the place and the stuff in the water was congealing, just like it should.  I thought about rinsing out the towels and laying them again, but thought about my recently un-clogged drain and just wasn't sure what a half container of metamucil would do to it.  I threw out the sink mat, threw out the towels, got a garbage bag and a box of disposable swiffer sheets, put the vacuum together properly, vacuummed what I could (I had to replace and clean the filter 3 times!) and started mopping.  I used at least a dozen swiffer sheets and had to go outside to scrape the bottom of my crocs twice to get the clumps off the bottom so I wasn't slip sliding all over the place.  The cupboards and fridge are still splashed, but the floor is reasonably clean.  I think I might leave the splashes until it dries out again to see if it will just fall off??

I remember a time when I would have just sat down and cried, but I actually laughed out loud at least a half a dozen times as I worked through it.  If it gives you even a little pleasure, it will please me even more!

Love , elly

"Failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day."  Jim Rohn 

I really like this one!

"Being a family in general is a comedy of errors."  Shannon Woodward

this may be it...

I wonder if this is how I will eat from now on. I really think that the simpler I keep it the better I will do.
I wonder if drug addicts have to stay away from beer and wine. I imagine that if they don't they may be more likely to fall off the wagon while drinking.
I wonder if ex smokers can smoke pot without wanting to return to cigarettes.
I wonder if sex addicts can snuggle someone they love without needing to "do it".
I wonder if shopoholics can get groceries without buying unnecessary items.
I know I will never be able to eat chocolate and possibly no desserts as I suspect that I will be more likely to fall off the wagon too. I don't really think I will miss any of it cause I enjoy how I feel more each day.
In gratitude, elly

what if?

What if mom and dad had only 11 children?  Who might be missing and who might have been someone else?
What if priests were all loving, kind and christian?  What strengths of character might be missing?
What if I hadn't been pregnant before I got married?  Can you imagine the world without him?
What if I hadn't had 4 kids?  Can you imagine how immature I would still be?
What if I had chosen not to learn from my kids?  See above...
What if I didn't believe in love enough to try again, and again? I can't and don't want to imagine a world without love.
What if I had never learned to see dogs except through the eyes of my dad?  My girls would be elsewhere! (or not!)
What if the fat lady croaks and the lady (god forbid) lives on?  Wow, I think I am gonna try it!

Thank you all for being exactly what I need and more!  elly

"I personally battled with my own body image for years. I used to tell myself, You can't wear anything sleeveless or strapless. And all of a sudden I was like, What if I just didn't send such negative messages to my brain and said, wear it and enjoy it? And now I'm more comfortable in clothes than ever."  Drew Barrymore 

so good

It was a busy long day and my post will be short.  I ate cashews, a hard boiled egg, celery and a mandarin orange.  It was all delicious.  However, the most wonderful part was that I remembered how much I had started to enjoy simple basic food before I started this program.  It all came back to me and I feel so much more assured that I will do whatever I need to do to be successful AND I will enjoy what I eat, although that won't be my primary reason for eating it.

I was able to get all of my food into the app and decided not to worry about adding the exercise until after I have completed my transition.  It was very good to be able to see what areas I was lacking; fibre and what areas I was over; fat.

I just feel good, elly

" It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly."  Oscar Wilde

fail to plan...

I had a good day today and got out for a walk after work with the dogs.  My knee still hurts sometimes, but I find the more I use it the less it hurts.  I also find that even when it's sore and stiff in the morning, after 5 min in the water, it already feels much better.

Clinic was good today too, but lots of scared people, besides me!  I had decided that for my first week, I would replace one shake with supper, as I would have the most time to plan and prepare.  However, I have a meeting tomorrow evening, which will be catered grilled sandwiches, so I decided that wasn't a good idea.  I will either do lunch or two snacks.  I am boiling some eggs, and have lots of veggies and fruit.  I wish I had thought earlier to cook some sweet potato...I didn't plan!!

I also need to pick up a few more things, some yogurt, cheese, nuts and some more fruit. I also have more work to do to figure out myfitnesspal, but I'm gonna call Roo on the weekend and make her help me!

I will need to plan more, but once I get rolling, I am determined that it will get easier.

A little shaky, elly

"You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win."  Zig Ziglar

...and I like this

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much."  Jim Rohn 

yawn, stretch

Well, even after my afternoon nap yesterday, I had a restful sleep most of the night.  I awoke feeling rested and energized, went to the Y and had a good workout and headed off to work, where all hell broke loose.  I stayed calm, helped out where I could and advocated for the young man I work with.  I was glad to leave at lunch time though!  That kind of chaos can really wear on you and make you take another look at the cheese that was for snack!

A good afternoon at the office, came home and went back to the gym to try another new class, which I liked and will do again.  It was a combination of step, weights and cardio.  Jay and Anne came too, which I like even more!  Hugs from Em and Grace and back home.

A satisfying day all around, elly

"Cherish forever what makes you unique, 'cuz you're really a yawn if it goes."  Bette Midler 

tired

I don't know if I'm just paying for the wonderful rest I had Friday evening or if there's something more happening.  I did not sleep well last night, woke with a headache, went to the Y, took 2 extra strength Advil and went to work.  That worked for the morning, when it was back and I went home and slept most of the afternoon.  I wrapped up in my cozy rag quilt, snuggled with the dogs and still feel pretty wiped out even now.  The Drs office called to say that some of my lab results were low, so maybe I should go in go see someone.  My regular Doc is still off sick and I don't really like seeing strangers.

I weighed in at the Y this morning at 208 lbs, for a total loss of 86 lbs and 8 more to my next goal.  This is the first week that I haven't lost and I've decided to be fine with it.  I had to really force myself to have my last shake today, but not because of that, I really wasn't hungry.  I seem to be having a few cold sweats too, so maybe I'm coming down with something.  I did have it, didn't go back to the gym tonight and didn't walk.  Rest for tonight and see how I am tomorrow. No more nausea though!

"I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot."  Steven Wright

...and just to prove I can still do it, lovingly, elly

hopeful

My rag quilt!
Well, I'm not really sure how I finally managed it, but want to publish right away, in case it messes up before I can!  lol.

This is the back...

...and a close up.

I had another great day, went to the pool this morning, alas, no grandkids!  I got some things done around the house and went out for a long walk with the dogs.  It's still pretty icy, which I didn't realize till I got out there, but it still felt great to be out there.

I no longer have any nausea, although I still have lots of gas!

I continue to explore the myfitnesspal app and am getting a few things sorted but still a ways to go.

All is well in my corner of the world, elly

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world.
Jack Layton 

aaahhhhh

What a great day! I slept in, cause I accidentally turned my phone off, so apologies to my kids who were looking for me. I slept almost 12 hours! I did go to market and picked up a few things to eat for later in the week, spent some time making minor adjustments to my rag quilt, which I will try to finish tomorrow and wash/dry again. I will especially enjoy doing that as all of the bypass that was hooked up in my laundry room is no more. Terry and his trusty assistant, Jeff came and unclogged my drain that has been a mess for 2 years, maybe more. Everything is re-attached as it should be and running smoothly! Thank you both!! This afternoon I also decided that I could no longer sit here and not go out because the weather was just too crappy. I put on my Bogs, strapped on my snow trax and out I went. The dogs fared much worse than me and they managed OK. I noticed more difficulty walking and a little more stress on my knee, but it felt so great to get out and we had a good 35-40 min brisk walk with no slipping or sliding. I have resisted using these and am glad I finally tried them, awesome! This evening, Cory confirmed for me that my nausea was indeed most likely caused by the calcium I've been taking, which will stay on hold until I start back on food, maybe longer. She suggested that the Vit D is much more important to take, so as to absorb the calcium I get in my diet, and the calcium stays in the gut for so long and should be taken with food if at all. I have not had a moment of nausea since not taking it the last 2 days! Phew! I did a little cleaning in the laundry room when I got home and if it still smells like it did this afternoon in the morning, I will do some more. Otherwise, I will sort stuff as I get to it. Gratefully, elly "Ah, Hope! what would life be, stripped of thy encouraging smiles, that teach us to look behind the dark clouds of today, for the golden beams that are to gild the morrow." Susanna Moodie

confession

I know that being honest with myself is a big part of succeeding on this journey. Therefore, I am going to admit that over the last few weeks, I have hoarded some shakes to use after the program is over. I never went without shakes, but when I was having soup or veggies, I only had a half serving with my supper. So I would have 3.5 shakes a day instead of four. I realized that hiding this information is the biggest mistake I could make, as that is continuing my addictive behaviour. Several times family actually asked me if I had a shake and I lied. So no more. I am having 4 shakes every day and if I make other bad decisions or choices I am admitting them to you. I really intend to succeed! Tonight at supper, I didn't take my Calcium and vitamin D with supper, but only my anti-depressant. So far, I feel good and if this continues, I will skip taking it until I am on some solid food again. While I think it is more likely the effect of the anti-depressant that is causing my nausea, if this even helps a little, it is worth doing until next week. I know that I need the calcium to help combat my osteopenia, but I don't think one week will hurt. I am also having some hot water at least twice a day to see if that helps. Good productive day today and instead of walking tonight, I'm gonna do some research on a few of the food tracking programs they have suggested and then go to bed early, as I'm pretty tired. I hope it's OK with him to do this as I haven't asked, but I want to give a special public "thank you" from the bottom of my heart to my nephew, J.R., who is one of my heros and a huge role model as I travel this road to sobriety. In kindness, elly "Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession." Mahatma Gandhi and this is silly, but it made me laugh... "I hesitate to deposit money in a bank. I am afraid I shall never dare to take it out again. When you go to confession and entrust your sins to the safe-keeping of the priest, do you ever come back for them?" Jean Baudrillard

great day

Fabulous, actually, till 7:15 when the nausea hit with a vengeance, and still continues...no research tonight. Night all. I love and appreciate all of you, elly

overload!

It was a good day, a fine day really, in all respects except one; at clinic we started discussions about re-integration of the drug!! I was not the only one in the room who panicked, but in the moment that was no consolation. I have felt a bit overwhelmed by the plethora of nutritional information already, add no clinic for 3 weeks and go back to that! The plan is to start re-introducing food next Thurs. However, we have been given some tools to explore before next week and I will do that. I have also reminded myself that I was doing it before I started the program, which helped. I also know that I don't need to figure it out all at once...one meal at a time, one day at a time, one issue at a time. I also just remembered that the problems I see in my head sometimes don't show up at all! So, now that I've talked myself down a bit, I can tell you that I feel better and stronger every day, physically. I went for a walk with the dogs after work and it was much nicer than it has been the last few days. I saw B today and while it made me a little sad, I realize that it was better than it has been for some time, so it also made me happy. I may never stop wishing that it could be different, but I will continue to celebrate the things that are good. Hunter Girl, I missed you today and hope you are safe and warm! Celebrating gifts, elly "I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up." Erma Bombeck

snow day

Actually schools closed, which doesn't happen very often. I took advantage and had D and S for the day...we did NOT go out to walk or play. However, I tried a trick to make fog, which was awesome, even though I ruined the sprayer. Boiling water in a squirt gun or super soaker (I used the suck up and push to spray kind) and just shoot it outside = awesome fog. D was impressed, S not so much! Good morning routine at the Y, and I went to an easy yoga this evening. I am so excited that clinic is tomorrow and look forward to hearing from everyone. It seems like it's been longer than 3 weeks. That's it for today. May all your blessings be in your awareness, elly "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." Mae West "The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white. Neither need you do anything but be yourself." Lao Tzu

bbbrrrrrr

This is the kind of winter I remember from childhood, but they went on for months, not like the sissy winters we have had lately. I am sick and tired of shovelling snow, but remember when the banks nearly reached the power lines and we walked along the half way point where the wing pushed it back further off the road. The 10 foot banks covered in every driveway and there was no shovelling out of that! My biggest difficulty is that with the piles reaching 5 feet, I find it hard to throw the snow over far enough that it doesn't fall back where I just moved it from. I am getting stronger though... It was an uneventful day work wise and eating wise. I am still struggling a bit in the evenings with nausea and I'm not sure if it's the veggies alone in my stomach at supper time just doesn't sit right or if it's a side effect from my antidepressant. Regardless, by morning it's gone and I carry on. I went to a pilates class at the Y with my 2 extra daughters this evening and it was good. I decided that it would be a better option than walking tonight and would also like to add in a few yoga classes. I weighed in this morning at 208 lbs, for a total loss of 86 lbs and 8 more to my next goal. The last few weeks have been a bit up and down, with 4 lbs, then 1 and now 5. I was a little surprised, but suspect it may have to do with some occasional constipation when I don't drink enough water. In gratitude, elly "It is so cold out there, my head nearly fell off." Mark McKinney Peter, Starkeys is indeed a wonderful place and closer to "church" for me than any building I've ever been in. Come sometime and we'll go together.

education

One thing I did today was finish my rag quilt. It's not perfect, thank god, but I learned a lot. I used lots of scraps of fabric and one thing I would suggest for anyone doing this is to use the same kind of fabric. I used mostly cotton flannel but the pieces that are not don't "rag" the same and want to stay flat. I am satisfied overall and wanted to be educated enough to post pics. Unfortunately this is not yet the case. I found the picture icon, found the pics, selected one and what I ended up with was code and no pic. I even took the pics with my tablet so I wouldn't have to figure out how to get them onto my computer. Back to the drawing board! I had an amazingly wonderful hike at Starky's with some of the gang and I was reminiscing about taking my kids there when they were little. Some things have changed so much and some not at all. We used to be able to see downtown to the church of our lady from the summit but not for years now. The hugging trees are still standing (I think they have been holding each other up for years!), but the hollow decaying tree that could hold 6 or 7 of us inside it's trunk is no more. RIP old friend. It also took over 2.5 hours to hike a trail that can be done in an hour without kids but then they wouldn't have been able to enjoy feeding the birds and making snow angels. Tomorrow is back to educating others if possible, and I feel refreshed and ready. It has been a surprisingly relaxed break with lots of family time. A special message for Tim; I love, admire and respect you and know that I can talk to you any time I need. Filled with love, elly "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." Nelson Mandela "In the first place god made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards." Mark Twain

hat day

A full rewarding day and lots of down time. I made a hat for Sam, actually a balaclava, with Lightning McQueen on it, which was a big hit after yesterday's failure (too tight). Daniel's favourite hat had a monster face on it but it was way too small, so I made him a balaclava and transfered the monster face to it. Also a big hit. I also lined D's, S's and Danny's santa hats with fleece, cause they were just not warm enough. During all of this hat repair, I lost my pin cushion that is special to me as Mom made it for me. I sorted all my fabric, cleaned out the sewing table and the sewing box, re-organized it all and still didn't find the pin cushion until after I had everything put away and was ready to quit! What a relief to finally find it though! I also picked up a new (read used) sewing chair at the restore and recovered it, twice actually and I might still go back to buy the second one that was the same, so I can do it again with all the trials and errors already under my belt. It has great castors, good support and is comfortable! I finished Grace's sheets last week and hope to get them to her tomorrow. I have my rag quilt half together and may finish it tomorrow too. I'm also going back to Starky's with some of the gang tomorrow, so hope to get some ideas for hats for the other kids too. Love (and a hat) is all we need, elly "Be like Curious George, start with a question and look under the yellow hat to find what's there." James Collins "And all your future lies beneath your hat." John Oldham

changes

It's late, I'm tired, but it's from supper with my sisters, so all is well. I have noticed some changes of late: when I'm naked and look down, I still see a lot of hanging fat, but the fact that it's hanging more means that it's not as full of fat; when I look in the mirror that's behind me in the changeroom at the Y, I can actually see the muscles in my back; and this one really shocked me, but my chicken pox scars are returning, as they are no longer completely filled with fat! Progress I say! Daniel told me today that I need to post a picture of yesterday's snot blob, so I guess I will need to figure out how to do that... Full of love, elly "Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." Lao Tzu

COLD

Yup, It's really cold today. So cold that Phyllis hid in the basement when the girl down the street came to take her out for a walk! I had a good workout at the pool this morning, but am going to try out some exercises with a band I got rather than walk tonight. It's cold in the house even with the heat up to normal and while I wouldn't normally go on Phyllis's instincts, tonight I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I'm going back to the basement to turn the fireplace on and do some more work on my rag quilt. That's where I'm going to exercise too. You would not think that after a day with D and S that I would need more movement, but they were pretty easy on me today. I also didn't take them out because of the temperature. They also read stories and played in their snot blob (read green fort) while I had a much overdure visit with my long time friend, Lee, who I love immensely and who I always feel at home with. I am truly blessed! I am inspired by Lee also, to visualise more specifically what I want in my future. This will be a long term project, but I'm starting now. In gratitude for today's blessings, elly "I like to be comfortable, and don't like to be cold, and I don't like to wear anything I'm not in the mood for." Rachel Bilson "I'm not into cold weather, I like warm weather." Amos Lee

reflection

We have so many opportunities for reflection in our lives; birthdays, thanksgiving, new years, anniversaries etc. One of the most humbling and gratitfying experiences I ever had was the occasion of my oldest son's birth. While John and Pete felt the need to remind me that it was 38 years ago today, making me seem really old, it has never in all those years amazed me less or more than today when I told his daughters about the events surrounding his birth. Aside from the engine failures, cruisers and missed electronic devices for opening doors to the Emergency ward, the day will always be the beginning of my growing up. I know, I know, I didn't always do things in the socially accepted order and possibly all of my kids may have appreciated it if I had grown up before giving birth. However, there is no more pressing incentive to accept responsibility for your own actions, reflect and evaluate them, than having someone watching you, maybe learning something. In spite of my inept parenting and immaturity, he is today someone who I love deeply and respect immensely. He is kind, loving, creative, hard-working, has choosen a perfect partner (who I love also,) fathered 2 charming, thoughtful and inquisitive daughters and is my staunchest ally in times of stress. He continues to gift me with time for real conversation, acceptance of my flaws and sharing his family. Today I took the girls to the pool for an hour, made them walk out in the cold with me, did some sewing and reflected on where I would be if it were not for my children. I'm pretty sure I would still have no real purpose in life, as my kids and grandkids are my reason for living the way I do, always striving to be a better person, care for myself better and live in gratitude. I am forever grateful for the honour! Love you, mom "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." Thomas Merton