happy halloween!

...and it was! I had such a calm productive meeting at the Board office today, which started with an apology about not getting information to us when they said they would; it was great. Several of us dressed up and that was good too, nice to know even serious work can get a laugh. I was a shepherdess, with a black sheep. Really just a sheep skin, so I guess i'm not very good at my job... I went to the Board office searching for more black sheep, as I heard there were lots of them there! A productive afternoon at the office afterwards which made for a pretty rewarding day. I came home to discover 2 turtles on my doorstep, standing on their hind legs, saying trick or treat, so of course, I gave them half of my candy. Really, those Ninjas took it from me, yeah, that's what happened! As soon as he got his candy, S was taking his costume off. Then 30 seconds later crying to have it back on. Love these guys! A little while later I had a visit from a furry little mouse and a big round wheel of cheese, except that the cheese refused to wear his costume so dada carried it. He had no problem carrying his bucket of candy though! He even managed to eat a few while they were here. They both enjoyed seeing the costumes of other kids who came to the door. Love these guys too! My girlies usually go to their aunties for halloween, so I don't expect to see them, but hopefully will catch up with them on the weekend. Love these girls! It's just after 7 and things are quiet, so this may be it for the night, pretty crappy weather. Today I tried making one of my vanilla/orange shakes warm, and quite enjoyed it. I will try warming a chocolate one in the morning and hopefully it will be close enough to hot chocolate that I enjoy that too. I think I would find it hard, now that I seem to be over the worst of the hot flashes, to be drinking cold drinks all winter, so that will make a nice change. Roo, I am not scheduled to have my last shake at 7:30, it's just that I feel so full, that if I didn't make myself have the last one, I wouldn't, cause I'm never hungry after supper. We are the first group that is allowed to have the cup of broth and the cup of certain veggies and I think when I make soup it is so satisfying, and the shakes themselves have lots of protein, so you really don't have a lot of opportunity to get super hungry. They tell you that you must have all 4 though, because otherwise your body would start to eat your muscle, which makes sense to me. I almost think that I'm getting more calories than before I started the shakes! I am realizing how automatic some of my eating really has been. On the weekend with the girls at the cottage, I can't tell you the number of times that I almost reached for a snack, before I remembered not to. Today again, when I got the the office, there was a crock pot which still smelled so good; dark ale beef stew. I went to the fridge to see if there was any left over as we always eat leftovers from meetings for lunch the next day. Oops! Stopped myself, but there was none left anyway! I'm committed to making everything that goes in my mouth a conscious choice! Thank you all so much for the support, written and otherwise, elly "I only eat candy on Halloween. No lie." Michael Trevino "If human beings had genuine courage, they'd wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween." Doug Coupland

it was a day...

School was difficult; Clinic was great; Home was a challenge, emotionally; Massage was good, but painful; Seeing family at the Revs was the best part of my day! I am filled with gratitude and that's all I've got today! elly "After all is said and done, more is said than done." Aesop

longings

It was a fun morning at school, but we did get some work done too. It was a pretty busy and somewhat frustrating day at the office, trying to get information from the Board that they said they already had, but were unwilling to share. They kept saying they were going to send it, but then would turn around and say, we'll look at it at the meeting. Frustrating! Just before I left, they agreed to send it in the morning, so we'll see. I was determined not to take it home with me, and was fairly successful. I had prepared some soup yesterday, so came home and heated that up. B was just making some for himself so we sat down and ate together, which was nice. Then we talked about getting some more veggies and making a bigger pot of soup, using my allowed veggies, and both eating it. Good plan! So, we went out to the grocery store and picked up more broth and some veggies for the soup and some fruit for him to take on the road. That's when I started drooling at all the grapes, bananas, berries, apples, oranges, etc, etc. It's been less then a week and I am really missing fresh fruit....mmmmmm. I will partake again another time, but for now, will remind myself of the things I am learning in the meantime, in preparation for that. I can wait! Clinic tomorrow, which will give me more to think about again, more ideas and strategies. As an afterthought though, isn't it pretty amazing that I've craved fresh fruit and not chocolate, which I've had for a month for Halloween! Wohoo!! Longingly, elly "Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?" Greta Garbo "If some longing goes unmet, don't be astonished. We call that Life." Anna Freud (sounds like Peter, or is it John??)

realization

At some point today it dawned on me what people meant when they told me they missed me on the weekend. At first I thought, I probably wouldn't have seen (them) anyway. It hit me all of a sudden at the office this afternoon, and what a delight! I have been writing to help myself and to get support from those willing, but it seems to have also had the effect that others miss me when I'm not talking, which is a real, true gift to me. Often in the past I have thought of myself as being a pain in the ass, or a bother or always needing help with something. Now don't get me wrong, I still know that I'm all of those things, but I'm also starting to believe that I matter to people, and that in some way, it helps them to help me. Anyway, thank you all! I weighed in at the Y this morning at 242 lbs, for a total loss of 52 lbs and 42 more to my next goal. I bought a new bathing suit and it feels so good, plus I like it! I am having on-going problems with my left knee, so I guess I'll have to get out the requisition for physio I got and actually follow up. It was a good workout regardless. The eating/drinking continues to go well. I really enjoy my broth / veggies every day, and the only issue I occasionally have with the shakes is clumping. I bought a milk frother at Canadian Tire today and will see if that makes any difference. I certainly continue to feel satisfied with my intake and continue to focus and unlearning old patterns during this time. Thanks again for loving me and right back atcha! elly "The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today." Franklin D. Roosevelt And I really like this one! "Presents don't really mean much to me. I don't want to sound mawkish, but - it was the realization that I have a great many people in my life who really love me, and who I really love." Gabriel Byrne

home again

I left Friday afternoon, picked up Mary and Stella and headed up to Sauble. The rest of the gang joined us eventually with the weather VERY windy and chilly. It continued that way for most of Saturday, although we also had some sleet and some fair sized hail. It didn't stop us from getting out to the beach, and being attacked by rogue waves occasionally. We managed to get wet in one way or another, but also played games, cut and coloured hair (purple for me), laughed, ate awesome food (them, not me), read, puzzled, laughed, hugged, drank and generally had a great time. I appreciate that these lovely women included me in everything, even though I was not eating anything. They had all kinds of home made terrific food, bread, desserts and snacks and I had no trouble. I am so supported by these people, it's mind boggling. I was aware of the number of times I reached out, almost automatically, to just try a small bite of something, popcorn, nuts or chips, but I just reminded myself, what my goal is and that I can unlearn that automatic behaviour! This weekend was a good start. The other thing that was a huge awareness, being clean, was just how awesome this group of women is, who are my friends first, and sisters second. They are such a profound gift to the universe, but especially to me. It is also a real gift to be able to spend time in such a beautiful, peaceful place, and I thank the kind people who own it for being willing to share. I tried the berry metamucil with the vanilla shake, but am not a big fan at all. I will try a few other things, but for now feel content with the chocolate and vanilla with orange metamucil. I also enjoyed my broth and veggies and will experiment with them a bit too. It's amazing that even though there is very little salt in it, it is still a nice savoury change from the shakes. When I got back, I took Ad's birthday gift to him (which I have to exchange, cause I got the wrong one), and played with the boys a bit. I avoided the other boys, as I heard they are puking!! I am seeing the girls on Friday!!! I'm so happy for sister's weekend, and glad to be home, elly "Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey." Tad Williams

shake, shake, shake

Well, day one of nutritional shakes under my belt. I was a little concerned that I wouldn't like them enough to keep motivated to persevere. Wrong! Not only do I like them a lot, I tried a few different ways to have them and I like them with lots of water, which is a bonus because it's really important to stay properly hydrated. My favourite so far is the vanilla shake with orange flavoured metamucil mixed right in...Like an orange creamsickle! I also like the plain chocolate, but am also going to try mixing it too, maybe the orange, or I also got mixed berry metamucil. I also tried the soup tonight, and found I enjoyed the broth more by itself. I'm going to try it again with onions. The other thing that surprised me, even though they told us about it, was how full and satisfied I felt. I had to have my last shake at 7:30 and if they had not told us to make sure we had all of them, I wouldn't have! Apparently this is the optimal number of calories, protein etc to have the fat stores be used for fuel. Yahoo! I have a training session to attend in the morning before heading out to the cottage. I may not be able to post there, so don't worry if you don't hear from me. If I can, I will. I'm also redoing the purple streak in my hair while we're away. Last but not least, tomorrow is big B's birthday. Send him some lovin' if you feel inclined. I know I am! Lovingly, elly "I like people who shake other people up and make them uncomfortable." Jim Morrison and I really like this one..."In a gentle way you can shake the world." Mahatma Gandhi

learning

Still coughing, but hoping it will diminish soon. I'm going to the cottage with my sister friends no matter what. If I piss my pants from coughing too hard, they don't care, and neither do I! Another clinic visit today and lots of information about different ways to prepare and enjoy our shakes. One of the things they suggest is to mix flavoured psyllium fiber with the shake. We have to have at least 4 doses of the fiber every day, as it is the only thing missing, nutritionally, from the shakes. I had my first one tonight for supper, enjoyed it and feel quite satisfied. I am going to experiment with a few different recipes over the next while. We are also allowed 1 cup of "no salt added" broth a day, as well as 1 cup of certain veggies. I'm gonna make soup! We also talked about some strategies to deal with people who will want to sabotage us by leaving desserts around or doing "treat yourself" or "one bite won't hurt you" kind of thing. Not that I think I will have any problems with that, but good to think about regardless. I also saw the Dr today and he said all is good. My blood pressure was up slightly, probably from the coughing. The nurse, who we see every other week, unless we want to see her every week, who was hired the day before our group started is the mom of one of Paula Mia's old high school classmates.. Small world. We can also call the nutritionist or the social worker any time between visits if we want or feel the need. When we were waiting to see the Dr after the clinic, I was thinking about the session covering Christmas and new years, and I feel that it's the perfect reason NOT to overindulge at a time of year that is often difficult. I'm happy about it! Really, more and more, I'm just happy, period, elly "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." George Bernard Shaw ...nothing to do with my post but it made me laugh, which makes me happy!

so blessed... so fortunate

Spoiled rotten, some would say. It's true, I know it, and yet I bitch, complain, grouse and grumble because I have a cough. I guess all of those things can be true at the same time, but I think the universe deserves better than that. I just need to spend a few minutes thinking about people who suffer constant pain and sickness, some with no access to medical care at all. I also have the good cough syrop! How truly blessed we are. If I even get started on the number of people who don't have a single person who believes in them or loves them or who don't have family close by, or maybe don't even have family. Teens who live on the streets, some with babies, or suffering with addictions, and I have the most amazing family and friends who not only love, support and encourage me, but who also have an amazing range of gifts and talents and are usually willing to share advice and/or actual physical labour. How truly blessed we are. We spend our money frivolously on things and complain that we never have enough, money or things, when even the poorest people would agree that we not only have way more than we need, but that it actually prevents us from truly appreciating what we have. How truly blessed I am! Increasing my ability to live in gratitude is only one of the many gifts I have received since starting this daily (almost) blog, but certainly not the only one. I am really blessed beyond measure. With love and appreciation, elly "People have often asked me whether what I know about love has spoiled it for me. And I just simply say, 'Hardly'. You can know every single ingredient in a chocolate cake, and then when you sit down to eat it you can still feel that joy." Helen Fisher and this just because it reminds me of so many of you, and I like it! "A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he's talking about." Miguel de Unamuno

another day

Another day, not feeling great, but doing OK. The font has changed here and I haven't figured out how to change it back yet; the title is still the same font, but not the body...ideas anyone? I had some of the homemade soup for supper and I'm gonna take some cough syrup again tonight and go to bed early. I weighed in at the Y this morning at 244 lbs, the same as last week, and 44 more to my next goal. I am OK with it, especially as I've been feeling so crappy, and having some hot water with honey to help soothe my throat. In gratitude for my life, elly "Honey isn't really that good for you." Erykah Badu "Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers." Robert Green Ingersoll

almost made it...

It was a beautiful day, in spite of calling for rain. It was sunny on and off all day, which was great. I read a bit before I got up, let the dogs out and went to the pool. I usually pick B up Sunday morning, so don't often get there. I spent a relaxing couple of hours, came back home and took the dogs out for a run, them, not me! I came home, did some laundry, made a pot of soup, read some more and watched a little TV.

I kept quite positive all day, but just before bed I crashed a little. I recognized that acknowledging the fact would probably be enough to dispel it, and I was right. Something just happened to the post and I don't know what, but it looks funny. I don't care enough right now to try to fix it. Be positive and breathe... and no more coughing please, elly

healing

I'm sick and tired of being sick so I am going to focus on healing. I'm pretty sure that is the advice I would get from the author of the book I'm reading, Darren Hardy. The premise of the book, The Compound Effect, is that the more consistently you do anything, the more ingrained and automatic it becomes, which, of course, sounds simple. He goes on to make suggestions about how to make the best choices for yourself, based on your priorities. I'm about 2/3 of The way through it and then I intend to read it again to do more of the exercises. Thanks, odd brother!

I have tried to rest most of the day, but it's not my forte. I have been taking some oil of oregano, which tastes horrid, but I'm convinced makes a big difference.

Tomorrow, big B is going to Cleveland, so I plan on doing some strolling outside, rain or shine, while I think about being healthy. Apparently whatever you are thinking about just before you go to sleep keeps working in your brain while you sleep, so it's a good thing I'm blogging in bed!

Send me healing thoughts and energy if you can spare it. If you don't have enough of your own, feel free to have some of what will be sent to me!

Love, elly

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos

"The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love." Hubert H Humphrey

sick and tired

I went out for a lovely supper with Jason, Anne and the girls, who I am very thankful for. Now I am going to bed, in the hopes that I will not have bronchitis.

"The world will change for the better when people decide they are sick and tired of being sick and tired of the way the world is, and decide to change themselves."  Sydney Madwed

my arms don't fall off

I have mentioned that I have been going for a new massage treatment, which I happened (?) to start right around the time I started to really get what it is that I need to do to change my life permanently for the better. I am certain that it is partly responsible for the change. Anyhow I went for a treatment today and I need to have my arms at my sides during the massage. Until today I had to tuck my thumbs under my butt to prevent them from falling off the sides of the table. Not today; my arms don't fall off any more.

I did get congested and started coughing a bit during the treatment. I either got the awful cold that B has had for 3 weeks or I was letting go of some old crap...maybe both. Either way, the plan is the same, eat light and often, swim, stretch, rest, drink lots of water, keep warm and go to bed early

"Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?" Bob Marley

I resent that non traditional forms of care are not as available as I would like. I release the resentment to the universe.

I appreciate that have been feeling really open, my heart, my mind, my spirit. I accept and allow this in my life.

Love, elly

"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."  Joseph Campbell

too much goodness?

I remember years ago learning about kids who had so much negative influence in their lives that it was almost impossible for them to adjust to not having it. When a positive influence surfaced, they would work hard to maintain the level of negative they previously had. It takes a very conscious, concerted effort to change how you hear and accept stuff. Today in the clinic we looked at some of our associations with food and examined options for changing those connections and messages. I am learning so much and relearning so much more.

We sampled the shakes today and I like both of them, chocolate and vanilla. I will enjoy the food I have this week and look forward to starting the next stage of the process next week. Over Christmas and new years we will not meet but will extend clinics 2 weeks longer so we don't miss any lessons. We were even told today that if we mess up while on the shakes, we can accept that. We are to eventually aim for eating responsibly 90% of the time. I like it!

So, to my title; normally I would struggle with having all the good feelings, ease, comfort, support, love, acceptance etc, that I have in my life right now. I have decided to be proactive about my approach. I choose to allow and accept, with gratitude, the gifts present in my life. Often these days I don't even have words to properly express my gratitude, as it is so overwhelming. As part of this process I will end my blog each day expressing resentments and appreciations. Practice practice practice...

John, I would love to borrow some of your reading material!

I resent that children who are exposed to neglect or trauma before 6 years of age have huge gaps in their brain development. I release this resentment to the universe. I appreciate the beauty and wonder of nature. I accept all that the universe has to offer into my life.

Thank you, elly

I almost didn't use this quote, as I'm not a big fan of the man. However in the spirit of being open to all of the universe, I give you: "The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you believe 100%."  Arnold Schwarzenegger

"There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them."  Bruce Lee

goal

Another busy day, work, followed by a trip to St Kitts with B's family for thanksgiving dinner. I ate too much delicious ham and some nice cauliflower and broccoli. It was a great visit as I haven't been there for a while.

I weighed in at the Y this am at 244 lbs, which makes a total of 50 lbs. Wow!  It really helped me to sort out what I want to set for my next goal. My next goal is to reach 200 lbs, which is another 44. A little bigger than my last two, but I think I'm up for it. I have realized that it is the minimum that I want to achieve. After that I will focus more on how I feel and how difficult it is to maintain.

I was quite surprised that I reached my goal today. On the weekend as I was dressing I happened to glance in the mirror and actually saw a little bit of the real me through the fat. There are now a few spots where I can actually see past it to the me I want to claim again... a good feeling!

Tomorrow is clinic day and I'm looking forward to it. I have most of the homework done and will keep working on it.

I'm grateful for the safety that the fat provided while I needed it, elly

"A goal is a dream with a deadline." Napoleon Hill

thanksgiving is the best!

The only drawback to the day today was that my girls, and their parents, were not here. It was simply a wonderful day filled with family, food, and no money. I didn't even make the kids say what they were thankful for, as it was just so obvious. We ate, played inside and out, watched a movie, visited, snuggled, and most importantly, enjoyed each other.

I had an extra helping of the most amazing salad, and 3 pieces of bacon with supper, and considering the options, I'm OK with that.

Several years ago I learned that living in gratitude is really the only satisfying way to go about it. Being clean allows me to access that part of myself more readily, and I give thanks for that, as well as the immeasurable blessings in my life. Even the challenges and difficulties are gifts, lovingly referred to as (AFGO) another fucking growth opportunity.


With thanks and much love, elly

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."  Gilbert K Chesterton

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation." Brian Tracy

thinking

The last few days I have been thinking about some things...

I've been thinking about challenge support and how I will accept it when I need it. Tim and Peter will probably be my biggest gift and biggest challenge in this department. Currently I am thinking about how to hear that which makes me uncomfortable...

One of the things I am undecided about (again) is setting another goal when I reach my next one, 6 lbs away. P and T have both argued quite intensely in favour of a set goal. Yet I feel pretty strongly that I will be better finding the place where my weight settles, once I have completed the lifestyle changes and food adjustments. That feels right, but I will definitely keep checking in to see if this is leaving a door open that I intend and/or need to close.

I don't think that I mentioned that the nurse at the clinic does not weigh us every week. We were weighed when we started, but if we want to get weighed every week, we need to come early enough to get it done before class starts. I think I will continue to weigh myself at the Y on Mon mornings and not bother at the clinic. I like that the sole focus is not weight loss, but health. Of course, I know I will be healthier when I lose weight!

Roo, I wanted to let you know that I had my first person who doesn't know what changes I am making comment about how I look. She did ask what I am doing and when I said that I am trying to eat to live, considering my metabolism, she walked away, saying that she didn't have that figured out!

I am thankful for this opportunity. I am grateful for my family, honesty, wisdom and adventure. I am blessed, elly

"As we express our gratitude we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  John F Kennedy

i love family

I awoke this morning to a call from D, asking if I would come to the market with him. They were just waiting for S to wake up and then we headed out. We had breakfast and shopped, including a romp in the back of the apple truck. D was hiding behind some bushels, so S had to go in to find him. D was hiding so well the farmer couldn't even see him.

Then some of the crew picked me up and we headed to Sarnia. We had a wonderful visit even though Liam is still in hospital. He will hopefully be home Monday. The guys went out on the boat for the afternoon. I am so blessed to have this extension of my regular family, and I always feel welcome just as I am.

We had a safe ride home, I let the dogs out and crawled into bed. The dogs may be even more tired than me!

"I do come from a strong family."  Arlen Specter

clean up and restock

I had a relaxing day today. We listened to a wonderful woman speak this morning about how to better support kids who have experienced trauma. She was fabulous and it was so nice to hear from someone who understands their challenges and who could speak so directly and compassionately to our experience.

I went to the office this afternoon and the VP and I sorted through most of the paperwork around the office from this week, which was plentiful after the arbitration. It's mostly sorted and filed. It was a quiet afternoon as everyone else was in training this afternoon too.

Earlier in the week I cleaned some stuff out of the cupboards at home as I thought I wouldn't be eating for a while but now I need to stock up on a few things to get me through the next two weeks... Costco, here I come!

I am traveling with some of the kids to Sarnia tomorrow to visit the latest addition to the family, Liam Farrar. I'm excited to see Sheri and Dave and the kids at the shower for the little guy. He may still be in hospital, but we'll visit him there if we need to.

I asked someone else to arrange snacks and beverages for today so I wouldn't be around them. I filled out my food and drink sheet for the day, and got started on the "support" homework.

Going to bed to read for a bit, elly

wow, what a day!

I slept in this morning and then took the dogs for a walk before I got ready to go to the clinic. It was $8.00 to park, but I was one of the lucky few who actually found a parking spot!

I won't tell you anything about the others attending as we are expected to keep that confidential. However I feel quite OK to tell you about the program so far.

First of all, I didn't have my last supper. We complete 3 full sessions before we get the shakes. We get a copy of the program for each week, with some work to do there and some to do at home, which I like. We also have homework as far as preparing our home and planning our support people. We are encouraged not to cheat by saving shakes, commit to attending every week and make the changes to lifestyle and the way we perceive food. We were asked to list the advantages and disadvantages of being successful and staying as we are. All really good stuff!

Probably even more significant for me than the program itself, which I am very excited about already, was how humbling it was to be there. I was so aware of how fortunate I am. I will learn from everyone else there, as well as the nutritionist and the social worker. BTW, they are both named Lisa; a good omen I think!

I had a beautiful supper with T and J and the boys and then we walked to the store to buy a toy. The best part of the evening was the boys dancing naked around the table with their dad... It's just not possible to be sad around that kind of energy.

My gratitude for all of you, elly

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." Melody Beattie

feeling better today

I spent the whole day at the holiday inn at the arbitration hearing that never happened. The arbitrator sat around all day while we tried to figure out if we could come to a settlement. We got close but the board could not confirm some information so we agreed in principal and called it a day at 4. The board lawyer meets all of the prerequisites for lawyerdom and is the epitome of the typical "lawyer" joke. It took everything I had in me to shake his hand before we left. I complimented our lawyer for not stooping to his level of rudeness and arrogance. The only thing that helped me deal with him was to appreciate that I don't live inside his skin.

Tonight I had my last supper for a while. I was tempted to have an extra snack before bed but decided against it. I am looking forward to getting started on the program Tomorrow and it will be nice not to need to decide what to take for lunch etc.

I forgot to mention that I weighed in at the Y on Mon at 250, for a total of 44 and 6 more to my next goal.

I am very grateful that this hearing is over for now. I'm inviting more calm into my life for a bit while I get caught up.

Peter, I'm not sure why you think I work 3 hours a day? Especially since I told you yesterday that I didn't get home till almost 9. Are you an idiot or what? Whatever you are, I'm glad you are my friend and brother! I love ya!

I appreciate fall sunshine, elly

"I used to want to be a lawyer but I didn't want to have half my brain sucked out." Max Walker

"A lawyer will do anything to win a case; sometimes he will even tell the truth." Patrick Murray

low, chaotic, stressed and loved, appreciated, honoured, cherished

Tough tough day, got up at 5:30, and got home from work at 8:45.

The most significant part of my day consisted of the reminder to remember the wonderful positive things about my life.

Roo, thanks for the idea, I love it. I have s and o down pat and am working on the others.

John, you may be god after all...

Peter, thanks for the suggestion, but you are wrong. The amount of chaos right now is calling for more resources, and I'm getting some!

Thanks to all of you who continue to support me from where you are. I am so blessed to have each and every one of you. A very special thank you to my kids, their mates and my grandkids for being the gifts that you are, and accepting me as I am, warts and all.

Stay positive, elly

"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."  Willie Nelson

"Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality and physical characteristics, warts and all; and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question."  Willard Scott

major blow out!

Very busy day, meeting with the lawyer to prep for the arbitration Wed, with the rest of the afternoon spent researching the information she still wants.  Then my alarm went off to get back to the school for the CPR and AED training from 4 to 8.  Rushed back there and had not prepared for the extra meal I would have away from home.  B said he was going out for wings, so I texted him to bring some home for me.  By 6 PM I was so hungry, as I usually eat earlier than that.  They ordered pizza at school, and I had 2 pieces loaded with goodies, extra cheese, bacon, mushrooms....mmmmm.  Then about 2/3 of the way through our training, one of the instructors had a grand mal seizure, was unconscious and we called 911 to get her an ambulance.  We packed up all the stuff, loaded it in the trainer's  van so he could follow the ambulance with his wife.  I came home and ate the wings B got for me as well.  I haven't had this much food in quite some time and now I feel like I've had coffee or something, all hyped up.

Anyway, I'm done now!  Tomorrow is another day.

I'm going to decide not to feel bad, and I may need to remind myself that a few times, as my thoughts have been that if I can't even survive pizza and wings, how will I ever do this long term. I'm not gonna feel bad and I'm not giving up!  Also, in case happy odd J asks, I'm not old!

Send me lovin', elly

"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out."  Anton Chekhov

"When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters.  One represents danger and the other represents opportunity."  John F Kennedy

hangover

I've had a good day, although I have had a headache most of the day.  I was a bit achy from painting yesterday, so I got up and went to the pool, moved around a bit and did some stretches.  Then I felt much better.  The neck is still stiff from trying to find the right angle to bend it to see the edge of paint...the focal point is not as predictable as it used to be!  Hence the headache, just like a hangover.

It was a pretty relaxing day and I didn't do anything I "should" have.  I did make several phone calls, which I enjoyed and went out to visit a bit, as well as a little shopping.  I think it means I'm doing OK.

One thing funny I forgot to tell you about my day with Happy odd John.  I had taken some food with me and we were talking about what we eat.  I offered him one of my nut, seed bars, which he enjoyed, but them commented that he could not have them often, as there was too much fat for him.  When Linda picked up supper for us, he had deep fried breaded chicken fingers and potato wedges and I had a hummus and spinach, veggie pita.  I told him I thought my fats were better than his!  Just more confirmation that everyone has their own things as far as food that work for them, even if they don't work for everyone else.

Thinking more about family, I think I was extremely wise to choose the kids and grandkids I did too!

"My family is my strength and my weakness."  Aishwarya Rai Bachchan

I love, elly

my feet hurt but my heart is happy

I spent a great day at odd John's painting and talking. It was highly satisfying and I loved the colour to boot. I got to use a handy tool that Tim gave me years ago to get the extra paint out of the rollers before washing them. He also stopped by to check in on us to see how we were doing. Big B stopped in and helped with some trimming which was much appreciated.

L got us a nice supper and I brought some snacks, which John and I shared. He loved my apple unsauce... It has chunks of apples as well as the saucy stuff.

For the anyone who is interested, my Hummus is just chick peas with cilantro pesto. If I don't have any of that I just chop fresh cilantro and basil and add it with a little olive oil. My favourite way to have them is with a few pappadums; thanks for introducing me T!

The only other thing I have tonight is that I'm not old. I am however, precious and occasionally I am wise. Being born into this family is definitely one of the smartest things I ever did.

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."  Abraham Lincoln

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." Dalai Lama

Q...how are lawyers and sperm alike?

Busy but good day at school. I had lunch with my 2 pseudo grammas, which was awesome. I had a busy afternoon at the office and got a lot done.

Then at 4 PM, I got an email from a lawyer doing some work for us, saying that they needed more information by Mon, when we also needed to talk. I have spent 3 weeks in every spare moment gathering info and I didn't need to hear that at closing time today. I guess we will go without, unless someone else finds it...piss me right off!

I refuse to let it spoil my weekend. I'm going painting with odd John tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it!

'The trouble with  law is lawyers." Clarence Barrow

A...They both have a one in ten thousand chance of becoming a human being!

I'm going to bed early to be as rested as possible for tomorrow, elly

hummus... yummus

It was nice to be back at my regular work today and I even had people tell me they missed me. I also talked to a student about why I am losing weight. She asked me about it and actually tried to tell me I am fine and don't need to. She really listened to me and it was a good conversation. I also had a student ask me if I could sew her pants cause she split them. She was so grateful for me helping her out...some kids don't have a lot of that!

This afternoon I went to some health and safety training and it was so boring that people were falling asleep. I had my tablet with me so I played games and chatted with the people beside me. What a waste of time and money!

I went to get my hair cut after work and then came home. I picked up D and S at the sitters down the street and brought them home to give D a hair cut. He says that he looks like a ragamuffin and tomorrow is picture day at school. He told me he wanted to look like a rock star. I got about half finished when he said, "I think I'm done now." He was wiggling and squirming so much I'm surprised that I got any of it cut, or that I didn't cut a chunk out of his ear. He let me finish what I could do in 3 minutes and then we had to shower him to get all the itchy hair off. He definitely looks like a rock star though!

B wasn't home yet when the boys went home so I made hummus for supper. It is so delicious when made from scratch. One of my favourite foods!

I'm satisfied with another day well played, elly

'It is important that we relish the food we eat. If we cannot do this, but eat mechanically, our food does not do us the good it should and we fail to be nourished and built up by it as we otherwise would be if we could enjoy the food we take into the stomach."  Ellen G White

tired

Well I'm tired enough tonight that it feels like Friday.
I had a good swim, meeting with the board to negotiate went very well again.
I am particularly pleased about the creative problem solving we did.
B took me to pita pit for supper as he is home sick, yummy...the pita not the sick part.
I am so exhausted and am going to bed early. Using my brain is hard work.!

Special love to a good friend who has been struggling the last few days.

Love, elly

"It's a good feeling to come away from a days work feeling like you've achieved something. Tired brain is good."   Dominic Cooper

productive day

I had a very relaxed session in the pool this morning before going to the holiday inn for negotiations. I took lots of water with me and several good snacks, most of which I didn't eat. I made sure I had a good breakfast before I left and felt good.

I intentionally did not prepare materials for the first exchange, hoping that they got the message last time we met that we were less than impressed with their lack of ANY preparation. They surprised me with half of the document ready to present to us, and ready to work. We had a super productive morning, and reviewed the whole doc before lunch.

We went to one of my favourite places for lunch, which we walked to. I had an awesome bowl of broccoli soup and a small Caesar salad. It is so nice to go somewhere where you can trust that everything is made fresh, with care and so delicious.

We had a few more challenges in the afternoon as we discussed options for changes either side wanted, but still got a lot done and a plan for tomorrow. Overall I was very satisfied with our progress, especially since their chief negotiator has never done this before and seems quite concerned that he not agree to anything that may come back to bite him in the ass.

When we were waiting between sessions, I called the bariatric clinic to ask if they could accommodate my conflict with our arbitration. I had to call back several times due to bad phone connections and had to speak with different people, but they are gonna make it happen. I will start the Thurs morning session and then switch to the Wed afternoons. They are not willing to do it for any other sessions except the first and they made me promise to stay really low key about it...not tell anyone. So if anyone asks, I never said a word.

I had a nice visit with Ad and Aub after I got home and am popping over to see D and S too. Much happiness...

In gratitude and love, plain old elly

"I believe that you should gravitate to people who are doing positive and productive things with their lives." Nadia Comaneci

"Productive achievement is a consequence and an expression of health and self esteem, not it's cause." Nathaniel Brandon