I need a plan

I need a crew and plan for my sewer repairs.
I have a plan to get my income tax filed.
I completed my plan to return my old battery and collect my repayment.
I completed my plan to email our board director the reason that I'm declining the invite to my 25 year anniversary celebration.
I need a plan for tracking my utilities and bills for the rental unit upstairs.
I need a serious plan to get on track with healthy eating. (Did I mention that a side effect of the new meds is weight gain? As if I need that kind of help!!)
I need a plan for making plans!!

Love, elly

New drugs

I've started my transition to the new meds. I wish the nurse had never started me on the sleep aid; I didn't sleep at all the first night off it and last night wasn't a lot better. Of course, I wasn't sleeping well before either, so need to keep that in mind.

Apparently I'll need to be on the new drugs for a month or so before I will notice improvement. 

I guess I'm breaking concrete up again; Jeff had a camera down and has identified at least 3 bellys in the first 10 feet of the sewer line. While it doesn't look significant enough to me to be causing a blockage, the evidence of blockage persists.

I had a monster headache yesterday, probably due to lack of sleep and not being able to get in the pool. I'm walking instead but it's just not the same relief. It should be open again tomorrow!

random

I hung up a few pictures today.
I'm back up to 206 lbs this morning.
I forgot that the pool is closed for 3 days for a pump repair.
I almost had my physical today. He discontinued the sleep drug (I loved it!) and ordered a new antidepressant. He told me to keep using Advil and a muscle relaxant to help with headaches, but they seem to both be contraindicated with this new drug. I'm concerned, but will see what happens. He ran out of time so I had to reschedule another appointment for him to do the actual physical exam.
I ate muffins for supper.
I'm gonna read now.

Love, elly

I wish

I wish that every time I fell off the wagon that I could remember how I got back on the last time. I wish I could know the thinking patterns that allowed me to make the choice again. I wish I didn't feel like I have to figure it out from scratch every. single. time!

Love, elly

bug

I don't know who said it, but there's an expression something like..."some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield". Today I felt a bit like the bug.

In retrospect, there were lots of good things, but the day of supposed professional development was so useless, boring, condescending and just downright frustrating. I walked across town to get there this morning because the van was in the shop and it took me less than an hour. I did get to see some friends there who I don't often see. Then I was able to get a ride to pick up the van, change into my nightshirt and watch a few episodes of Mrs Brown's boys.

This post is shite, but whatever...

Love, elly

nom nom nom

Some days I feel like Phyllis with her head stuck right inside the peanut butter jar. Today was one of those. Tomorrow is another day!

Love, elly

inconceivable!

Adrian: Grandma, can I have a yogurt?
Me: I'm sorry, Adrian, I don't have any.
Adrian: Why?
Me: I ran out.
Adrian: Why didn't you buy more?
Me: I didn't have time after work.
Adrian: stunned silence and disdain!
Inconceivable!!

opposite

Today was the opposite of yesterday; a cluster fuck, with a very nice ending. The wonderful part was having Tim, Jen and the kids over. The other part isn't worth talking about, so I won't.

Love, elly

yeah!

I don't have their money or a signed lease, but I'm confident that it's going to happen. I think they're just as happy and excited as I am. They are my first choice! I have a few little  things to sort before they move in June, and one big thing! (The sewers!)

I'm still feeling better than I have for months, even though I still have times when I'm struggling. The struggles aren't as dark, long or hopeless. For now, I'm quite content about that and just keep trying to do my best.

I'm having difficulty deciding about attending an event that the board is having to acknowledge 25 years service. I have not felt appreciated for the last 25 years and think they still totally undervalue us and the job we do. Going would feel like a farce. They're not even having a dinner as they've done in previous years. I'm thinking of writing to the director, explaining why I don't want to come.

I'm so happy and excited that all my kids (and their spouses) and grandkids are now members of the Y. I think it's such a good thing that the family is active together and besides, it makes me happy!

I weighed in at the Y this morning at 201 lbs.

A special thanks to Kelly for all her help in the last 4 days, doing what I couldn't in 4 months!

Love, elly

falling behind

I never seem to be able to keep things done that should get done. Things get tossed onto a pile and then just stay there; bills, clean laundry, sewing, pictures that need hanging... Maybe I should get rid of more "stuff"!

I also can't keep track of stuff; Cory found the yogurt, in a cupboard I had looked 3 times; I've lost the car keys again; yesterday I lost my phone in the middle of the huge field behind the old school at the end of our street. I actually found it again! Thanks to St Anthony.

We had several more people through the house yesterday, several that I think would be fine, if they apply. My most hopeful is still the very first couple that came...I will call references today.

I continue to have more emotional stability than otherwise, as well as eating stability. It's not perfect, but seems much more doable with sleep.

I have a little brag to share as well; after 25 years, I had my first performance appraisal. It was a very good report, but while sharing it, my principal also told me that I'm the best she has ever worked with.

It's kind of ironic that I also got a letter from the board inviting me to a celebration of these 25 years, which will, for the first time ever, be shared with board volunteers; no longer a dinner or a purchased gift card, but a presentation (which will be long and boring) and a gift made by a student I don't even know (the ones I work with aren't usually selected for that kind of duty, even though some of them are quite gifted.

Love, elly

dare I hope?

I continue to feel a bit better. I have moments that aren't as good, but overall I'm finding improvements every way. I'm not sure if it's that I'm actually sleeping, but I'm sure starting to wonder.

I love my patio roof and am delighted to be eating out there again! There's a lot of work to be done in the garden, but it will wait.

Kelly has accomplished more in one day to get my house rented than I've done in almost a year. I had 4 viewings today and would probably be ok with 2 of them. One couple I really liked. We have several more viewings set for tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I still/again have sewer flooding problems, but I'm hoping Jeff will be able to put a camera down this week. Never mind the luck on this one, I need serious prayers that this gets resolved...soon!

Love, elly

maybe...

It's very late, I'm very tired, but I think I might be starting to feel a little better!

Love, elly

battle

I've been feeling a bit like I'm in the fight for my life these days. Not in the literal sense, but trying to make sense of everything and knowing what to do. Meanwhile, I plod along.

I walked 2.5 k this morning with the walk/run club we started at school. No students showed up, but we went anyway. Lead by example, right?

It was a beautiful day and I had play and snuggle time with the Slessor kids yesterday and the Crowe kids today. I had both Crowe girls for a sleepover on the weekend, so I'm feeling the love!

Love, elly

Ps, I found the keys but not the yogurt. Eventually I figure I'll find it when it starts to stink!

oh oh!

Wherever the yogurt is, my car keys are too!

I weighed in at the Y at 206 lbs!

Love, elly

I lost the yogurt!

I know it's a little thing, but it has really upset me. I used a container of yogurt for the second time this morning. It was about half empty after I made smoothies for the girls for breakfast. I looked everywhere for it, except where it is! Eventually I opened a new one and still didn't find the other one.

I had some wonderful time with the girls and swimming with the family this morning. I just love it and am so blessed!

I'm sleeping better, but unfortunately it's not helping to improve my mood any...

Off to bed. Love, elly

hit the wall!

Yesterday was a disaster, but I'm hoping most of the easter treats will be gone from school today. Cory is also coming for supper and a chat and that always helps. I'm determined.

On Mon I weighed in at the Y at 201 lbs, for a maintained loss of 93 lbs.

I've taken half of a sleeping pill each night for very little effect. The pharmacist told me this would be so. Last night I took a whole one and have had a pretty good sleep. I will take a whole one again tonight and then try without. I'm still skeptical about it doing much good.

Love, elly

on a roll!

This is the third day in a row that it has felt relatively easy to stay in control. There has been just as much potential for losing control, but it just hasn't happened. I was worried about how I was feeling after lunch, emotionally, so I gathered up some kids and went to fly a kite! I just can't even come close to explaining how much better I feel, or why. I know it helps and I'm gonna do it as much as possible.

I had an appointment with the nurse practitioner as my Dr is away, and she suggested that I try a mild sleep aid, to see if that will resolve my concerns. I know I struggle more with depression and eating when I'm tired, so I'm going to try it. I admit to  more than a little scepticism...she wants me to take it for 3 to 4 days and then only as needed. The info says when you stop taking it you may have some "rebound insomnia", so I may be trading a few nights sleep, for a few nights awake. Hmmm. It can also cause temporary memory loss! Yikes, I don't need any more of that!!

I think my living arrangements are weighing heavy on my mind too, even though I'm trying hard not to worry about it. The couple who were here last summer said they were interested, but I haven't heard anything from them since. Patience...

A great big thank you to Jen for finding, buying, and delivering black pepper pappadums! Delicious lunch today.

I think I have effectively avoided all the chores I should have done this weekend! Yipee!


"A lot of women say that they want to get to feeling about themselves the way I feel, because when I'm on a roll, I'm hot, I'm really good. I try to tell them, I don't have a fix."   Delta Burke

Neither do I, Delta!

Love, elly

hoppy easter!

One successful day, from start to finish!

I have found dehydrated pineapple at Costco that has nothing added, that is even better than the stuff I was getting at the market. Now I'm on the lookout for pappadums with black pepper. They only carry the plain ones at zehrs now and I like them a lot, but love the pepper. They are my favorite dipping chip for hummus or spinach dip or whatever! If anyone knows where to get them, please let me know.

While the snow is beautiful, it's put the kibosh on getting my bike out. Maybe next week.

I miss people adding to my bathroom crossword puzzle book. It's a disadvantage of living alone. (Anyone know someone who wants to live with me??) I also miss walking in the surf on the beach. I especially miss the sunshine. Even if it keeps snowing, I'm getting out for a walk before going to Mary's for supper.

Love, elly

I'm back home

 I'm not actually sure what home I mean, but I feel like I'm back there. I'm not sure that my house is my home, but I'm certain that my family is and yesterday went a long way to restoring my depleted "home" levels. I hope to restore even more before the end of the weekend.

I had moments of successful eating while away, but mostly I ate ice cream 2 or 3 times a day, and one day I had fish, chips and a beer! It was delicious!

The sunshine in Florida definitely helped my mood, even though there were still times that I struggled with it. I think I need to change medication for sure. It was hard to wake up in the dark when I got back, but have gotten outside every day for a walk and whatever sun is available.

I'm pretty sure that my weight has crept up over 200 lbs, and I've been on the verge of packing it all in, but every day I manage to have a healthy breakfast and try again. While I'm managing to still do anything in the right direction, I'm going to keep on keeping on.



Love, elly