busy busy day

Wonderfully busy with wonderful boys and other family. It is truly a gift to be able to spend the day with wondering minds free of the learned greed and hypocrisy that a major part of society seems to accept. I started the day with a shake, fed the dogs and let them out and headed to the Slessor's house to go to market. Sammy bear wasn't feeling well so Daniel and I went, got breakfast and visited with an elderly lady who told D that if he got into trouble, then he should get out of trouble! I dropped him back home and headed to the Crowes to pick up their boys. We went to the park, bought milk and took painting supplies over to auntie Paola's new house. Back to grammas for lunch, a nap and hungry hungry hippo. Then back to Marys place for supper and hot tub. Then we bundled up again and headed back to grammas for medicine, pictures, stories, more milkie and bed. I know it's just mundane things that filled the day, but it included the wonder and awe of seeing deer in the backyard eating apples, excitement about Christmas lights and the absolute joy of swimming in a hot tub in the cold wintry air. The laughter and joy overflowing and filling my heart. These things you cannot buy. I am still not hungry but did get my four shakes in today. Tomorrow I am going to make some broccoli soup and see if that appeals to me. In gratitude, elly "Wisdom begins in wonder." Socrates

I hate vehicle shopping!

OK, truth is I hate shopping, all shopping! I have been looking for something that has better visibility. I love my car and it's a good car. I love driving it, and it has new snow tires! It's just bad timing and I don't want to put out every penny for a vehicle. I think I might look at some vans... bigger than I need but good visibility and way cheaper. Bernie and I continue to sort through things and discuss options that are fair and reasonable. Our relationship is already improved, and I believe we are both feeling less stress. We will take whatever time we need. One day at a time. Another busy day at work with lots accomplished. Christmas parties are getting booked and I have never felt less compelled to attend. I don't want to sit down for several hours watching people eat. Our family Christmas I wouldn't miss for the world though. I'm excited for that! It's so different when you are with people you love and the sole agenda isn't food. At least not for us. By the way, I must acknowledge that Pete was right about it being easy not to be tempted with food while on the shakes. I don't think I'm alone in wishing that it could go on longer because it's so easy. I'm still tired emotionally and not very hungry, but am getting my walk in every day so far. My knee is complaining and I'm cold for the first time in 10 years. I'm wearing a knee support and bundling up. If you are able send us your lovin', elly "The road to positivity is strewn with the abandoned vehicles of the faint hearted." Peter McWilliams

share support

Today was a good day. A few of my students were away, so I had a chance to do some sewing that I never have time for. I put a rod pocket on a wall hanging for Christmas so we can hang it up. I got 2 tablecloths made for our community dinner which we do every year, and started a table runner for another one. While I was sewing, several students asked me about doing the sewing course. Exciting! I had a meeting to attend with a member in the afternoon and I was so grateful for the opportunity to share support with her. I am so blessed to have so much support in my life and it feels good to know that I was able to give back to someone else who needs it. She was so appreciative too! When I got home my husband took my car out and had new snow tires put on it, so I'll be safe driving in the bad weather; well as safe as I ever am! I am reassured that he is still the man I fell in love with. We will get through this. I am still having some difficulty getting all my shakes in, but am doing the best I can. I have been able to get out for a walk after supper again though, and it's still so freaking cold. I bought a knee support and it helped to keep it warm at least. I'll see how it is tomorrow. Love, elly "Surround yourself with people who provide you with support and love and remember to give back as much as you can in return." Karen Kain "Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it." Bernard Meltzer

adding more movement

Clinic was great as usual. We looked at all of the benefits of getting more exercise. It is the single thing that improves or eliminates all unhealthy conditions. I have committed to myself that I will add a 20 minute walk after supper at least 5 times a week. It was freakin' cold tonight but I made it. Now I have the heating pad on my knee and it feels good. I am still quite tired from the emotional rollercoaster and will go to bed early again. I am hopeful, thankful, joyful, funful and tiredful! Love, elly "In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you." Deepak Chopra

better

I slept better, I feel better and I'm hoping for another good night tonight. B and I have talked some and I am reassured that we will be respectful to each other as we sort through this process. It is my genuine hope that we will remain friends and that would make me very happy. As for my appetite and hunger today, it felt much more "normal" to me. I wasn't really hungry, but I also did not have the ten pound stone feeling in my stomach. It's down to about two now, which is a huge improvement. I still didn't have any broth or veggies, but I had all of my shakes with no trouble, and lots of water too. For now, I'll take that. I even think that I might maintain that for the next few days, rather than push it by adding stuff back too soon. I am extremely grateful and appreciative of all of the people in my life who love me, warts and all. The people who support me, encourage me, listen to me, agree and disagree with me, and who make me a better person by knowing them. I am so blessed by family and friends, angels all. Love elly "Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart." Mahatma Gandhi

and sleep did not come

I know it has at least a little to do with the ten pound knot in my gut, which in turn has a lot to do with the end of my marriage. I'm disappointed and sad and yet I have no regrets. I gave it all the love I had and I thought that would be enough, which is the thing that is disappointing. I have suspected for several weeks that this was coming, but continued to have hope. Now my hope is that we will continue to be kind to each other as we go through the transition. There are a lot of unanswered details right now and neither of us want to make big decisions while we are grieving, as I believe we both are. I did manage to have my 4 shakes today, but not yesterday. I only managed it today by adding less water, so it was less to consume. It just feels like there isn't any room in there right now. At the same time, I do not want to lose any lean muscle by not having the proper nitrition. I haven't had any broth or veggies for several days, but at least I am determined to get the shakes in. I am so grateful for having had this marriage and for knowing and loving this man. He has a huge heart and he's not perfect, as none of us are. I am also very grateful that several months ago I was able to make the decision to take better care of myself, like I have never been able to do before. You might think that I might be tempted now to be overwhelmed with sadness and just stuff it down with food, but I feel even more resolve. That decision was and contiues to be for me. The agreement is with myself to find other ways to address my emotions, even now. I weighed in at the Y this morning at 228 pounds, for a total loss of 66 pounds, with 9 more to go to my next goal. Tonight I am determined to sleep! elly I love this quote and the fact tht it reminds me of dad, "Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations." Red Skelton

decisions decisions...

It was a quiet day, mostly, and I spent some time cleaning and sorting in the basement, which doesn't always get much attention. I sometimes wonder if this place is more work than it's worth, but what are the optons...until I am totally crazy demented I want to be someplace where I can go outside, and I really love the yard. I guess that decision will happen in time.... The last week or so I have been looking at a vehicle that I could feel better in and see better. I love my car, except that I never feel like my visability is good enough, and the older I get, the better visibility I want. B took a Subaru Forrester out for a test drive that I was kind of interested in, but it had a burnt oil smell when he got back, so I'm not sure I want to risk the chance that it may have some engine trouble that hasn't been identified. I guess that decision will happen in time... Today is the first day that I have had trouble getting all of my shakes in. I really must start with the events of this morning, which maybe means that I am closer to the crazy dementia I mentioned earlier. I never reset my alarm on the weekends, but just turn down the volume on Friday night and turn it back up Sunday night. When my alarm goes off I turn on my happy lamp for 15 min, my phone alarm goes off and I get up, get my bathing suit on and get dressed. I feed the dogs, let them out, get my water and shakes prepared and gather everything up and get going to the gym. So this morning I had the car warming up, everything ready, my gym bag in the car and was heading out with my lunch bag and water, when I stopped in the driveway. You all have it figured out by now, right? Thank god that I realized before I actually got under way! Bottom line, I went back to bed, but wasn't hungry. Got up again an hour or so later and went for a swim, mixed a shake to take, even though I really wasn't hungry even then. I have been like that all day, and am still struggling to get the last one into me before I go to bed. I have been feeling some anxiety the last little while and maybe that is taking a toll. I need to get some bloodwork done and have been coughing for quite a while so it could just be that I'm a little run down. I will make an appointment for it tomorrow. I'm sure that the crazy demented decision will happen in time too, hopefully later rather than sooner! Love, elly "Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come." Robert H. Schuller "Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach." Tony Robbins

more tired

Yup, it was another night with not a lot of sleep, but in spite of that I had a good day, wasn't very hungry at all and didn't even feel the need for a nap. I love having the kids sleep over and I think it's good for me no matter what happens. What happened was that Sam cried, I took him and moved to the single bed, where Daniel found us and crawled in, which I tolerated for another few hours, before taking them both back to my bed. That was about 4:30, at which time Phyllis decided she had had enough of being displaced from my bed by kids and started whining. She even woke up the girls in the living room in the recliners. Honestly I was glad when we finally got up! It was wonderful to share Sam's 5th (3rd) birthday party with all the grandkids and most of the kids too. I had enough time to finish up some food for the dogs I was making with some old, freezer burned meat, make some apple sauce and go to Cory's with Mary for supper. The hardest part of the whole day was making the apple sauce because I love the way I make it and it is so delicious that I had to literally stop myself from licking my finger because I didn't think I could trust myself to stop there. I sure hope Bernie enjoys it! Overall I had a really enjoyable day and was so relaxed and tired that I almost fell asleep before blogging...that was close. "Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation." Lois Wyse Be well, elly

fabulous Friday

I didn't sleep well again and was very tired when I got up. I didn't get to the pool and actually thought about not going to work. After I had my shake and shower I felt better and headed out. I was so excited that a blue fleece sweater that I haven't been able to wear for a while fit me again. However, when I got to work it was just too hot to wear. I was asked to go to one of the other high schools to pick up work for a suspended student, so I stopped by the house to change...phew! I had a great morning and felt good after we got busy. I also decided to wear a hat which I got a lot of compliments on. The afternoon at the office was also really productive. I brought home some yummy leftovers from last nights meeting for the kids for supper. Tim, Jen, Kelly, Danny, Jason and Anne all went to the movies, so I had 2 boys and 2 girls. Well, even though Grace and Emmy loved the chili and pizza, Daniel and Sam were having nothing to do with it. No way, no how. I would have been happy to eat the chili as people raved about it and it was full of veggies. I resisted thanks to the fact I still had a shake to have. The boys ended up having digestive cookies with nutella, mmmmm. By the time we all had a bath, watch Tarzan, brushed all those little teeth and got everyone settled, I was pooched. The girls are in the recliners and the boys with me, so if they get restless, I'm going to the spare bed. The kids are such a comfort to me, I expect I will sleep like a baby too. Hopefully we will all be up for market in the morning. Send me any sleepy vibes you can spare. Love, elly "Sleep is the best meditation." Dalai Lama "The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep." W C Fields

not feeling it today

I didn't sleep well last night, but had a good day. It was long however, and I just got home. If I want to have any chance of getting my ass out of bed, and no I don't mean Bernie, at 5:30 again in the morning, I'm gonna have to cash in early. I'm gonna snuggle with the dogs and read a little and that's all I got to say about that! "All we are saying is give peace a chance." John Lennon "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." Thumper

busy day

Some days it amazes me how much "stuff" can fit into a day... I tried out my new program in the pool today for the first time and I know it is going to be good. The new shoulder exercises are really targeting the areas where I need help and I'm excited that I may eventually be in less pain. I had a hard time getting it all done though. I got to work today to find that a student I work with was not there, but was able to spend the extra time sorting through information that was helpful and preparing some work for another day. Then my next class was so productive, it was just wonderful. It is such an awesome feeling to watch people grow and learn and it is a privilege to be allowed to be a part of it. I am truly blessed to love my work the way I do. Clinic this afternoon was great too. We are continuing with our study of nutritional information over the next several weeks, and there is just so much to learn and take in. I hope to remember at least half of it! We also shared email addresses today and several people said that they would like to read my blog, so I'm gonna try to figure out how to send the link... I'm not sure if you can tell the difference, but I have my computer back from John's hospital and I can tell the difference. The tablet is great for so many things, but I much prefer the computer for blogging. Apparently, it just had a fever, but it's all better now. So my theory about looking at food causing weight gain was a bust, thank god! I had to see the nurse and Dr today after clinic and I had to get weighed. The scales there showed 234 lbs, which is what I weighed at the Y last week, but I weighed myself at the Y this morning and it did not show a gain, but a 1 lb loss. So, onward and upward! Actually, downward!! I went for a massage treatment later this afternoon, which was good, as usual, and now I'm tired and ready to chill for a bit. Love, elly "Do all things with love." Og Mandino ...and I wonder if this one means that all of us trying to lose weight are idiots? ha ha! "Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot." Leo Durocher

wondering...

I won't spend much time talking about it, but I'm wondering if watching good food can make you gain weight. Paula made a wonderful supper tonight, which Bernie and she enjoyed immensely. It seemed last week when I watched everyone eat at D's birthday supper, it seemed like I had gained weight. Just for fun, I'm gonna check my weight in the morning to see... Speaking of weight, I forgot to report that I weighed in at 231 pounds on Mon, for a total of 63 pounds. I'm having some regrets about setting a bigger goal and will set an interim goal of another 25. In that light, I have 12 more to my next goal. The biggest challenge definitely will be not to look too far ahead and focus on achievements to date. So, yeah me! I met with the trainer this morning and I'm excited about the new stuff we set up. Tomorrow will be my first run-through of the whole thing and I will update. I suspect that the first while will be a challenge, but I know I have already noticed a change in my core, so that's exciting. Clinic tomorrow and I look forward to the next food lessons. Love, elly "The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized, never knowing." Jim Rohn I want to dedicate this one to Pete... "Crazy people don't sit around wondering if they're nuts." Jake Gyllenhaal

hungry

Today I made up for how "not hungry" I was yesterday. All day long, and still now, I could eat the arse end of a horse. Ew! My computer is at the hospital, and I'm hoping for a speedy recovery. "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa And I don't know who said this..."I'm so hungry I could eat a scabby cat on toast."

down day

It was a quiet day, I went for a walk with the dogs, watched a movie and sorted and purged. I cleaned out the fridge, including disposing of some rather nasty leftovers. It's looking pretty empty these days. I finished up a whole whack of laundry, including all the dogs bedding and ours! I have been a bit down, but nothing major, and keeping busy was good therapy. I have some personal stuff to figure out, like we all do, and Sundays have traditionally been the day I sort. I don't always find answers, but the searching is good for me. I was not hungry at all today, but did manage to get all my shakes and a bowl of soup. I made a pot for B as well, but his has better stuff in it then mine! Love, elly "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi "The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept." George Carlin

gotta love technology

I really do love technology, WHEN IT WORKS! Posting on my tablet today as my new computer seems to be ill. I really hope it's not life threatening, but it seems serious. I will drop it to John on Mon to have a look-see. I got up early this morning and went to Raglan St and woke up the boys. Their parents didn't seem to mind too much as I got them dressed and took them to market. We had breakfast and did a little shopping for groceries and then went in search of piñatas. When we had those we had to get stuff to fill them with too, including 3 different types of whistles, rockets, bubble gum and chocolate money. They seemed to be a big hit. Then we dropped D off at home for his party and S and I went to gramma's house to play. Funny, he brought a movie be wanted to watch and insisted that it be on, but he watched very little of it, cause we were too busy playing. It was awesome! I admit I was a bit tired when he went home, but I didn't need a drink like the parents did! I came home, did some laundry and relaxed for the rest of the day. One thing that I noticed today is that I wanted to eat. I only felt that way when I was hungry and needed sustenance, but I have not really had a big problem with it until today. Not that it was even a problem as I didn't do anything other than have a shake, but I know I'm missing the act of eating. I suppose what I'm doing isn't really a natural thing, so I'm not really surprised, but I hope it doesn't become a bigger issue over the next few months. I haven't been eating veggies this week either, so I guess I will go back to that. I also have been feeling a bit frustrated about how far I have to go, so am going to work on a strategy to see all that I have done and focus on that instead of looking ahead. We never know what's gonna happen then anyway, but what I have done is real. I will not lose sight of the reality by worrying about the future. Love, elly "Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense." Gertrude Stein "Today's accomplishments were yesterday's impossibilities." Robert H Schuller ...the last 59 year's impossibilities!

stupid people

Stupid people were put here to test me, I'm sure. It's bad enough when it's someone asking a stupid question, but when the people you work for can't get it sorted, man it's frustrating. Sometimes my co-worker and I at the office make jokes about the answers we could give to people and it helps to be able to laugh about it. I know I am still quite impatient at times and I'm sure this is the lesson they are here to help me with! Another generally good day, but I have not had enough water to drink, so I'm gonna try to get in a little extra tonight. I'm also pretty tired and hope I can do some gardening tomorrow, so will relax for the evening, but I will interrupt my periods of inertia often to move and stretch. John, a "writ" is a piece or body of writing, among other things, so writting is what you do when compose a body of writing. Don't be so stupid! Thank god for weekends, elly "Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid." John Wayne "An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise." Victor Hugo I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm dumb, I smell. Did I mention I'm stupid?" Eminem ...and my favourite... "You can't fix stupid. Stupid is forever." Ron White

Ooops!!

Well any of you who check in on a regular basis will notice that I didn't blog yesterday...well at least I didn't post! When I realized what had happened, I was determined to post yesterdays and still do another for today. The bottom line is that this has become more and more important to me, to help me keep track of what I'm feeling and doing by writting about it daily. I am certain that it is one of the tools that I will continue in one form or another as I progress and return to eating food and all of the adjustment that will come along with it. It was an enjoyable day with satisfying work and a visit with the Rev and her live-in clan. I love her dearly and am happy about our plan to see each other a little more regularly. Still coughing, but still hoping soon I won't! Love, elly "A mistake is simply another way of doing things." Katharine Graham "Delay is preferable to error." Thomas Jefferson

oh happy day

Happy birthday, that is, to Daniel. It is hard to believe that it was 5 years ago that I watched him come into the world and our lives, open his eyes and take his first breath. Such a privilege! It was a good day in the pool and I have set up an appointment with one of the trainers for next Tues to review my program, check some form and look at adding more muscle work. I'm looking forward to it. Another interesting day at clinic. We reviewed the new Canada's food guide and looked at portion sizes. They actually had rubber samples of food with correct portion sizes, which was a bit of an eye opener for some items. We also looked at ways to adjust the usual number of portions if needed to maintain weight, but still ensure proper nutrition. They also suggest that half of your plate should always be veggies, and if you want more, you can have unlimited amounts of the veggies we are allowed now, which are considered "free". After work, I took B to work and went to Angels for Daniel's birthday dinner. It was so much fun, and even though I didn't eat and the kids fries and chicken fingers sat in front of me, it really was not a major temptation. I enjoyed being with all the boys and they were crawling all over me and trying to give me "wet Willies", wrestling and generally having a rip-roaring good time! D loved his gift and the other kids really enjoyed the slime, squishy egg, wind-up toys and kaleidescope that I brought for them. I came home and had my cup of broth and feel great; and fortunate. Actually, I was thinking a little more about yesterday's post and I realized that one of the advantages that I have over most of the other people in my group is the plethora of love and support that is available to me every day from my family...and all I have to do is ask! Love, elly "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" Satchel Paige ...and this one is for D... "It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" Sam Levenson

appreciation

I don't know how many times since I started this exercise I have realized that my prominent emotion is gratitude, but I'm grateful that it is. I think it is such a profound place to live from and I think it is the basis of love. Without it the lessons are just lessons, lectures to be endured, rather than gifts to be cherished and appreciated. I am grateful for my kids and their partners. I am over the moon for my grandkids. I love and appreciate my husband and the efforts he makes to support and encourage me and to get on a healthier path himself. I am grateful for my siblings and their partners (idiots) and their kids and what a marvelous gift a rowdy bunch of people who create magic together are. I appreciate my parents and the gifts and challenges that they provided for us, simply by being born and living, surviving. I appreciate the people who ask, who listen, who don't judge. I appreciate the struggle of every addict and their determination to overcome. I appreciate the courage of every person to live the very best they can every day, every moment. I resent the lack of understanding and real support for mental illness in our society, and the general unwillingness to even talk about it. I appreciate that the reason for my resentment allows us another opportunity to address the problem with love and courage. Thank you, my friends, elly "Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion." Dalai Lama "I would rather be able to appreciate things I can not have than to have things I am not able to appreciate." Elbert Hubbard

keeping on

Well, I went to the pool this morning and went to work. I managed pretty well and don't feel too bad. I will continue with the sinus rinses and get to bed early again, and hopefully it won't be too long before i feel better. I weighed in at 234 lbs today at the Y, for a total loss of 60 lbs and 34 more to my next goal. 60 big ones, pretty amazing! It will be a really big one for me when I finally reach the next one! I am encouraged by my continuing progress. "Slow and steady wins the race." Aesop ...and quiet may be stretching it, but I like this one... "It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones who win in the lifelong race." Robert W. Service

sick

After approximately 4 weeks after a lingering cough from my bronchitis, in awe because I have never had it without a sore throat and sinus involvement before, the damn thing seems to have created enough snot overnight to choke a whale. I feel more run down than the whole time I had the bronchitis and laid around all day, except for a couple of walks with the dogs. I intended to stop in to see the boys, but could hardly drag my ass back home. I watched 4 movies in a row and then just couldn't stand to have the TV on any more. I read for a bit and will go to bed early, and am hoping I will awake with better energy. That's my plan, cause if I have to take a sick day, I won't be able to go to the pool and I really miss it when I can't get there. I will use my sinus rinse before I go to bed and hope for the best! ...and this is very encouraging... "There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before." Henry David Thoreau

clarity

Some things continue to get more and more clear. It is fairly obvious to me that the only fast food I miss is Pita Pit. After watching the portobello pizzas being made at M and Bs, I would love the mushroom, pesto, peppers, cheese and BACON!! I really miss the hummus I make and will make some for big B this week. I miss fruit, grapes, watermelon, apples, oranges, berries and PINEAPPLE!. I miss nuts and avocado and shakes with spinach...and CHEESE, I really miss CHEESE! I had a wonderful day with the girls, we went to market, did their hair and went to the bazaar at St Joes, where I bought them both a hat and hand knit barbie bride dresses for $5 each! Awesome! The boys came as well and then we hung out for a bit together. (We saw Santa!) Then I went out and took a Subaru Forester for a test drive. I like it, really good visibility, power, nice size. I would really like something a little smaller, but don't know if I will find it with the visibility I want. I am not doing as well at home with interrupting my inertia, but at school am doing fairly well, using a physio ball whenever one is available. The kids like them too! When I get home, I really need to work more at it, cause I'm tired. Hopefully it will continue to get less so as I continue to lose. I miss Mary! I had a lovely hot tub with Cory and her babes and left when those darn pizzas were almost done. "One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer." Franz Kafka "For me the greatest beauty always lies in the greatest clarity." Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

Friday!!

It was generally a good Friday, too, no pun intended. I did miss pajama day at school, as no one told me, but it may have been too much for them anyway!! A productive day too, with only minor fires to put out. The very best part, though, was coming home to find my girls here. Their mom had asked if she should give them supper, but I assured her that I wanted to take them out. Emmy decided on pizza and Gracie finally decided on the golden arches. Em changed her mind and we were off for one stop instead of two. We ordered at the drive through, after much frustration from the order taker, who was very short with us and kept insisting that if you didn't get dressing on your chicken wrap, they would leave everything else off too, except the chicken. We got to the window, being told that they were waiting for one item, no indication of how long, nothing, so I said "just give me my money back and we will go to another McD. We got our money and as I started to drive away, I realized we were 4 dollars short. By that time we were past the window, so I had to park and go in. I spoke to the manager and recounted what had happened. She said the item was ready now and did we want supper on her? The girls were surprised and we went home to eat. Trust me when I say that not only was it not an experience I want to repeat, but the food did not appeal to me AT ALL! We went home and had a nice meal together and forgot about it. The girls are playing in the tub and then we are watching a movie and snuggling. In the morning, we will go to market, dye hair (purple streaks like Gramma) and go swimming if we have time. Happiness is sleepovers with grandbabies, even when they are no longer babies, elly "The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy." Sam Levenson "Never have children, only grandchildren." Gore Vidal

all quiet

Well it took me about 10 minutes to program my phone to alarm every 15 minutes this morning so I won't be doing that every day. Tomorrow, I think I'll try the stop watch instead. It was effective though, even though several kids looked at me kinda funny! It goes with the program, they think we are kinda weird anyway! I have a physio ball at home so will use that more when I'm sitting and may actually look into getting one for school too. Or I might start to develop tics or jiggles...bouncing my legs, dancing etc. it was a pretty quiet, low key day, just what I needed, elly "All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone." Blaise Pascal BTW Pete, what does this mean?? ABCDEFG....Goat, Girl, Goo Goo, Goggles G...g...G

inactive versus sedentary

Big lesson today at clinic, although admittedly I'm suspicious of anything starting with "recent studies show..." Roo, I would love your opinion! Apparently, the more time you are sedentary has more impact, or at least impact that was not previously considered, on your weight loss or gain. If you are generally active and meet the requirements for Canada's guidelines for activity/week, but spend a lot of your day in a sedentary job, you are at a higher risk, even if you do your daily gym routine. So our challenge this week is to track and break up our sedentary periods as much as possible, every 10 min if possible or 30 min at the least. Even standing periodically helps. I will be giving up my rolling chair at school, will park further away at the gym, school and office, and will stand when helping students whenever possible. I may set my phone to vibrate every 10 min to remind me, cause we can get pretty wrapped up in a lesson sometimes. At least I wasn't hungry today, so I'm glad that transition is over! We are also looking at what our priorities are for life, such as money, things, family, work satisfaction, health, self esteem, spirituality, power, activity, etc. We are listing them in order of significance and then looking at how much time we spend in a week on each item. Obviously, your higher priority items should consume the most time, so if we are not aligned that way, we are to consider how/where we would make adjustments. I'm still really enjoying the program, am learning lots and really like some of the women; others I don't know so much yet, as I sit at the other end of the room. With love and gratitude, elly "Rather than viewing a brief relapse back to inactivity as a failure, treat it as a challenge and try to get back on track as soon as possible." Jimmy Connors "If a brain is exercised properly, anyone can grow intelligence, at any age, and potentially by a lot. Or you can just let your brain idle - and watch it slowly, inexorably, go to seed like a sedentary body." Michael Merzenich YIKES!

hungry

Believe it or not, I think it's still catch-up from the extra hour on the weekend. I knew almost first thing this morning that I was gonna be hungry today, and I struggled most of the day with it, knowing I only had so much left to ingest. I did get some mini cucumbers though, and that helped with wanting something crunchy. I had some extra water and then heated up my last shake when I got home, and used a bit of extra water in it. That seems to have done the trick and I feel pretty satisfied now...phew! I stopped by Tim and Jen's on the way home and took the boys out to replace A's birthday gift...I accidentally got him the wrong "spot it" version, so then we had to play a few games when we got back, of course. Those boys are both SO awesome and I love them to bits! Tim and Jen are OK too... Big B has gone to St Kits to celebrate his grand daughter's birthday, so I'm home alone with the girls. I'm going to bed early to try and catch up on sleep I missed last night. "Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own." Mother Teresa I would have used a small G for god, but didn't think I should change the quote. I used it anyway because the last part is very close to what keeps motivating me...elly "God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well." Voltaire

growth

Sometimes the best you can hope for is that you will have opportunity to use the lessons and growth that you have earned/learned again another time. I am learning so much and growing so much and am full of gratitude, even through difficulty. Today was a day of many opportunities and gifts, not the least of which were giving myself a time-out at school, surprise hugs and kisses from 2 of my boys, a "not surprise" visit, with hugs and kisses from Pete, a walk and a cry in the cold with the dogs, a lovely call from my angel and my first real craving to eat! I realized that it had been bugging me a little all day, as they had pulled pork for lunch at school, and the office people were discussing the beef stew that will be served at the meeting tomorrow. I thought about it on my drive home and decided that I really want something crunchy. I have been cooking all my allotted veggies, so I could have a hot meal once a day, combined with my broth. So, tomorrow I will get some cucumber and some other raw veggies. I still feel in good control, or at least in a good place to problem solve. Actually, more that; being aware, being creative, finding solutions and opportunities to change and grow. I weighed in this morning at the Y at 237 lbs, for a total of 57 lbs and 37 more to my next goal. I am still immensely enjoying my new bathing suit! I feel good, elly "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Viktor E. Frankl "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that but simply growth, We are happy when we are growing." William Butler Yeats

long day

...an hour longer than usual anyway. My brain still woke me at the usual time, somewhere between 4 and 5, so i read for a while, smug in the knowledge that I had more time than usual to snuggle under the covers. Phyllis and Lucy enjoyed the time under the covers too. It was beautiful, but cold out and we all enjoyed the time for a walk and some fetch. I did a lot of laundry, as I didn't do any last weekend so had a fair bit of catching up to do on that front. I even ironed! I spent most of the afternoon over at the Rev's new digs, replacing the dryer vent and emptying boxes. It was awesome. The only issue I had today was that I couldn't figure out why I was hungry earlier than usual, but of course, it was just that pesky extra hour. I still felt perfectly satisfied later in the day, and am certainly tired. "There are no extra pieces in the universe. Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle." Deepak Chopra

helping out

The boys woke up about 6 this morning and needed to wrestle in my bed, with me! It was awesome! We didn't get to the market until about 9, but there were not as many people there as usual because of the rain, so it was fine. Normally being there from 9 to 10 would make me suicidal! OK, not that, but not happy. Sometimes when I have a lot on my mind it helps me to get out and help someone else. Thankfully, the Rev and her family have lots to help with right now. It was a real gift to me today, as it usually is when I spend time with family. I am going to make myself some soup soon, broccoli I think...mmmmm I am determined to be happy, elly "It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Ralph Waldo Emerson "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others." Audrey Hepburn

awesome Friday

I had a meeting early this morning with a member and her new principal. It was interesting and eventually resulted in their agreement to both do some things differently, which was the best case scenario. Good morning at school, where I am not being tempted with food, at least for now. My co-worker at the office and I did some good work on our arbitration case this afternoon, but we did miss the office manager, who had a flooded basement due to a sump pump failure, just as they had moved almost everything in the house to the basement so they could replace carpets! I was really feeling for her today. The rest of the office was quiet too, and no temptation there. I have some clinic homework to do on the weekend, but for tonight I have 2 small visitors, who I am enjoying immensely. Their mom had to bring food with them as I have nothing in the house...now we are watching Goofy and they are eating popcorn. D tells me he can eat 2 whole bags of popcorn. I told him if he finished the first one I would make him another, but I'm betting I won't need to! Love, elly "I'm crazy about you too Gramma!" S Slessor