Fine tuning

Apparently, the almond butter just needed more time with the blade...it brings out the oils and makes it smoother. I still left it a little chunky because I like it that way.
I've adjusted the thickness of the fruit I've been drying; apples with cinnamon today. Yummy! I think I'll try them with almond butter tomorrow.
Fine tuning the eating as well, but getting there.
I had lots of great time with the grandkids today and that makes me happy. I also forgot to mention that I had a wonderful visit with my tenants yesterday. The kids were telling me today that they're gonna miss them. Me too!
I'm looking forward to Friday when I'm gonna have a long overdue visit with Sheri. Years ago we used to stay up till 4 am whenever we visited because it was the only way we had time to really talk, after the kids all went to bed. I miss her.
Love, elly

Sleepover time

I had Tim and Jen's kids at the market and then to Costco this morning. Miss P is not even a year and a half and she's already started the terrible twos! She threw everything out of the cart, threw herself down whenever things didn't go her way, turned the tears on and off at will and held herself totally straight and rigid when I tried to get her into the car seat! She was also charming and delightful in between!! Most of the food survived but I'm not sure about the bananas...oh well!
I made almond butter this week. It still needs a little work to bring the oil out. Next time I'll research before I try it!
I'm continuing to feel like I'm doing fairly well, in every way.
Adrian and Aubrey have just gone to sleep after our stories, so that's where I'm heading too.
Love, elly

Worried

I know it's pointless to worry, so I'm putting this out there so I can try to let it go.
I got home from work today to news that my tenants are leaving. I really like them and they like me, my dogs, and grandkids. One is quitting school and got a job in Toronto and the other has been out of work recently and unable to find a job locally. The mom will stay until they figure out further details. Whatever happens will be fine and I don't need to control it. Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, it is not the end yet!
Otherwise, things are going well and I avoided the chocolates again!
Love, elly

OK then!

Yesterday I weighed in at the Y at 211 lbs. Amazingly, I feel great about it. I deserve the .5 lb gain and I'm totally over my disappointment of last week. I'm totally back on track and even said no to Swiss chocolate several times today at work. I did also tell the person who brought them in how hard it is for me, but I don't expect her to change as I've told her in the past. Also, it's my issue, not hers, so I'm responsible!
I'm continuing to do mostly well with my mental health issues, walking and getting in the pool almost every day. I am cutting myself some slack about blogging daily, but would still like to increase so that I'm checking in several times a week. I gave myself a good whack on the head yesterday at work when I stood up under the corner of a bookshelf, but am feeling much better already today.
This may sound weird, but what else is new?? Wee Lucy has inspired me to keep plugging along by her sheer determination to keep getting better. If she can do it at just over 4 lbs, who am I to even think about giving up?
Love, elly

Discouraged

I let the numbers get me down... Monday weigh in stayed the same and I honestly was shocked. It was probably some fluid and/or constipation, but now I'm still struggling to GET OVER IT! The fat lady hasn't croaked yet, so I'll keep at it.

Blessed day

Happy birthday to my Gracie Grace! 8 years old and one tough little cookie, and she's beautiful to boot!

I got to spend time with all my favourite little people because of her birthday, even though it was in a horse barn...the kids had a blast.

I'm doing pretty well and feeling good. I decided to stay at the same level of medication as I don't want to risk increasing the side effects and as long as I do the other things I need to support my mental health, I think I will continue to do well. If things deteriorate I can still always increase.

Tomorrow I'm hoping to have a long overdue visit with someone special. Until then, I send my thanks.

Love, elly

PS, Pete, yoga pants are tighter and thinner than sweats, but the essence is the stretch. They're comfortable as hell but I refuse to be a slave to them because nothing else fits!

Still here!

I weighed in this morning at the Y at 210.5 lbs, the same as last week. I'm determined that next week will be lower. I'm tired of my pants being tight and uncomfortable and I don't want to wear yoga pants for the rest of my life.
I see the Dr tomorrow and I'm still vascilating between increasing and staying where I am with meds. I'm mostly doing well, but definitely worse when I don't see people. I need to get outside every day as well, and I'm managing that OK too.
I'm finding small ways and words to bring the gratitude back into my heart and that makes it a happier place to live.
Love, elly

Weigh in

It occurred to me after Pete made a comment about losing 8 lbs in a week that one of the side effects of not blogging every day has been that I haven't always reported my weekly weigh-ins. Of course this is complicated by the fact that he can't add and /or subtract but nonetheless it may seem confusing at times.

I actually think that my weekly weigh-ins are fairly accurate and am not at all surprised that the longer and more I struggle with consistency in my eating habits, the less able my body is to adjust, resulting in faster gains and slower losses. I'm still OK with it and know I'm doing my best every day. I already know this is a life long struggle and I'm still up for it!

I weighed in at the Y this morning at 210.5 lbs, down .5 lbs from last weeks 211 and up 1.5 lbs from my 209 the week before. The 2 weeks before that I was 214 and 212 consecutively. This part's for you, Pete...214 to 212 to 209 is 5 lbs over 2 weeks, not 8 lbs over 1 week. It's very likely that I didn't report the 212 week but I still don't understand how you got to 8! By the way, it's quite possible for me to eat enough to gain 8 lbs in a week, and I'm pretty sure that I could do it week after week, but I'd rather not prove it to you!

Seriously, I am feeling better and stronger and more consistent than I have for months, emotionally even more than physically. The sunshine helps, especially when I make myself go out in it! Not every day is sunny inside or outside, but I can handle it as long as it's not every day. I'm eternally grateful for those of you who hang in with me, wherever I go.

Love, elly

Settling

Christmas holidays are always a mix of blessings and struggles for me and this one was no different. I occasionally got things all sorted out in my head, only to lose them again. I spent more days overeating than not, but only had one day of the two weeks that I was totally lost in the darkness. Most days I got outside for a while and to the pool. I spent lots of time with the kids which was awesome. All in all, it was fine.

It seems bizarre to have celebrated my sons 40th birthday. The girls helped me put together 4 poster boards of pictures for Jason, which he loved. We had Emily's 10th and Tim's 34th as well, and Grace's is coming up soon. I also managed to squeeze in a short visit with Stella when she came to Guelph.

So tomorrow is back to work and routine, which will help. I made a pot of soup today and I have some salad stocked in the fridge. I've learned, again, not to spend too much time alone. I will certainly forget it again, but I'm still putting one foot in front of the other. I'm grateful for my blessings.

Love, elly