well that didn't work!

It was a blowout, a free for all, a disaster of epic proportions!

However I did purchase some dried chick peas to add to the almonds I had for snacking.

Today I went for a long walk in the surf, which was better than any church I've visited in years. Then I did a little muscle work in the pool, followed by some lazing about in the pool and on deck.

I've asked myself, "will this make me feel better?" before eating anything. So far, so good, and my emotional turmoil seems less than recently.

Love, elly

instability

Some emotional upheaval, and the proximity of salty and sweet treats, have led to a significant undesirable state of instability. I eat very healthy meals, but am eating altogether too many and too high calorie treats between them. There have been moments when I've been totally out of control!

Today, my goal is to reestablish the more careful choices and awareness, so that it's back under control.

Otherwise, it's been quite relaxing and I'm grateful.

Love, elly

relaxed

We arrived late in the evening and spent yesterday with some degree of migraine all day. In spite of that I wasn't out of complete control with eating. I had a few extras, in awareness.

Today is already muggy and humid, I've had a delicious breakfast and been for my morning session in the pool. I feel more relaxed and pain free than I have for quite some time. I'll take it while I can get it!

I'm enjoying the camaraderie of these wonderful women, and missing my peeps back home.

Love, elly

one more sleep!

I'm leaving in the morning for a holiday with my several of my best friends. I'm going to soak up the sun, read, swim, puzzle and generally loaf around! As far as any sailors go, what happens in Florida stays in Florida!

I'm hoping to post while there but if it's not an option, do not be concerned if you don't hear from me. I'm going to eat as healthy as possible, while still enjoying myself.

I'm going to miss my grandkids! I am so blessed and love them to pieces.

Love, elly

Adrian, Aubrey, and Penelope

We are having a sleepover tonight. We watched a movie and now we are sleeping with Bo Bama. Except not really, cause they're still talking, so how could they be sleeping??!!

I love these guys so much! I'm blessed!

Love, Bo Bama

Em

I spent a wonderful day hangin' with my Em. We went to the Y, played dice, made hello, added Penelope to out scrabble board, sprayed coloured water on the snow that's left, coloured our hair, and curled it too, shopped; we bought new pool toys, made lunch and supper, watched "Watership Down" and kept losing track of what was happening, and generally had a fun time!

We also did homework and played with the dogs; Lucy's paws are sore from running on the pavement for the first few times this spring, so we kept it indoors for her.

Tonight I discovered that the new nightshirt I bought doesn't even cover my ass...it would go around it twice, but it's not long enough to cover the booty! Oh well, tomorrow it goes to VV.

Tomorrow I spend with my Gracie Grace!

Blessings, elly

eureka!

What I've been eating is making me sick! I believe I have some difficulty digesting and/or absorbing sugar. Apparently, when this happens, it turns to gas in your large intestine and you get bloated, diarrhea, and very bad gas. I'm going to do a little more research, but I'm pretty motivated right now to avoid it completely.

I've also been very stressed about my memory lately, and that makes my memory worse. I don't think it's quite time to lock me in the dungeon yet, but I certainly need to do everything I can to reduce my stress. When I eat well, I automatically have less stress, so that's also motivating me.

I have been chatting a little with one of the people from the clinic who was inspired by one of my visits and I think it will help both of us to support each other. She seems more than willing. I have also reconnected with a friend who has been supporting her husband through cancer treatments, who has offered to encourage me, and asked me to help her to take better care of herself. Win/win!

I visited with Bernie today when he picked up his mail. It's still hard, but not insurmountable. I'm gonna be fine.

Love, elly

not quite

I had a wonderful visit with my friends. Such great women! The only disappointment was the Irish jig that was on the agenda for the afternoon. Apparently "someone" thinks that trivia and facts are a "jig". We were not the only ones disillusioned by this mistake.

And apparently I'm not quite over whatever is going on with my belly and/or my psyche.

I had a great day until I was late for the dentist. I was late because a friend stopped by whose call I haven't returned because I haven't felt up to it. Then the shame and embarrassment I've been struggling with on and off hit me full force and I got candy (after the dentist), which I don't even like, and ate it all! I kept trying to talk myself out of it, to no avail. It didn't help, but added to my dismay and feelings of worthlessness.

I went to bed about 7:30 because I felt awful, got up about 10 to let the dogs out and thought I was going to pass out from abdominal pain. I got to the bathroom on time and started to feel a little better, when I started to brown out! My vision got "snowy", I got hot and shaky and my vision started to fade. I got a little panicky  and tried to get to my phone in case I needed to call someone. It passed after a few minutes and I was able to get the dogs in and get back to bed, but I brought a bucket with me, just in case. I was pretty nauseous by then, but I think it was from the pain. I guess I'm just full of hot air! Maybe I'm full of shit!

I feel pretty normal again now, an hour later. Go figure!

I weighed in at the Y this morning at 199 lbs.

Love, elly

recovering

I probably spent more time in the bathroom last night than in bed. However, after a day of rest, except for a lingering headache, which is fairly common these days, I feel pretty well recovered. I also had a good day with the food demons and I'm hoping for a bit of recovery in that arena too.

Tomorrow I'm visiting my old friends to catch up on news, scoop, gossip and scandal! Even though they are 91 and 83, they still remember the good stuff!

Love, elly

feeling queasy

Yucky, tired, upset stomach, headachy, diarrhea!

holiday!

I don't remember a timetime when I looked forward this much to being off work for a bit. Partly because I'm still so tired, and partly because I'm looking forward to a totally relaxing vacation with a few of my sisters. I will have the next week to get my place in order and then leave for Florida for 9 days! Wohoo!!

Today I set a meeting time with the student who has been angry and removed from the school for a bit. I asked for the meeting and the team has decided that it needs to happen before he can return. I would like to keep my message short and clear and I have a good idea of what I want to say.

It was a terrible day, food wise, but I'm also hoping that this will be enough time away to do a reset and get my priorities sorted.

Love, elly

I promised Peter

I'm tired, frustrated, cranky, discouraged and just down right out of kilter, but  I promised, so here I am. For 3 nights I took a low dose of melatonin, trying to get some restful sleep. I suspect that it reacted with my antidepressant, resulting in some major visual disturbances, but not any restful sleep. At one point I was reading and couldn't figure out why I couldn't make out the words...my eyes were closed! I took Wednesday off work and didn't manage to even get out of bed till 11:30. I am starting to feel that it's mostly out of my system, but I'm also still waiting for my thyroid levels to return to normal, which could take another 3 to 4 weeks.

In the meantime, I'm coping the best I can and some days are better than others. One more day until I have a few weeks off work and I'm looking forward to the break.

I'm still trying to figure out how to sleep better. I wake up needing to adjust my position because my joints are so loose. I've had so much trouble with my neck, waking in spasms of pain and headache. I've changed pillows and that seems to help a little.

I've fallen asleep at least 6 times since I started writing this, so think I'll call it a day and see how the night goes.

Love, elly

sad

For once, it's not about me. It was an OK day and other than being tired because of the headaches I've had the last few days, quite fine. However at the end of the day I heard about something that happened to someone I love, that just set me on my ass. It's not my right to talk about it, but it has me so upset that talking about anything else right now is not an option. Some things are just wrong on every possible level. I'm literally speechless!

Please send out any extra compassion you have, as I'm sure it will find where it needs to go. Then if you have any anger, send that out too, to rearrange this asshole!

Love, elly

biscuits

The teacher at our school that does most of the food prep and cooking just had a baby (with the help of his wife!), so we have all been pitching in to help cover things for a few days. Today I made biscuits to go with the chicken soup someone else made from scratch. It's been so long since I've made biscuits so I had one with butter along with my salad. It was just as awesome as I remember them being and I was tempted to have another, but got myself busy with something else instead!

Otherwise it was an uneventful day, read nothing disastrous happened!

Love, elly

my best was better

Better than it's been for quite a while. Knowing there's a reason, other than this wretched winter, for feeling this low, really helps. I know it will still be several weeks before my blood levels are normal, but knowing they will makes it easier to wait.

I had a nice visit with Cory today and it always helps me. It's been several weeks since we've been able to talk about our progress, or lack thereof, and I so appreciate the support of someone else going through the same struggles. She also has done some research and found evidence that eating well is so much better for our brain in regards to memory etc, and I'm hoping to use that as a little extra incentive!

Things at work are partly resolved, as the person told the student that she was part of the decision to charge him. She also inadvertently admitted that he hadn't already been told, as she asserted in our original meeting. I said nothing, but I noticed!

Love, elly

damn thyroid!

Apparently, my levels were low, and he has increased my dosage of eltroxin. The winter has been so long and nasty that I've been blaming that for the way I was feeling... Maybe I don't need to change my antidepressant!

I was in Toronto today for a meeting but got back before the nasty weather. Now I'm curled up in front of a warm fire.

Love, elly

dr visit

I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I decided to increase my medication, but instead of feeling better, I have had more side effects and no improvement. As a matter of fact I have felt more lethargic than usual. I saw the doctor today, who suggested that it might be a good idea to try something different. I agreed, but we both agreed that before my vacation in 3 weeks is not practical, considering how difficult it can be to stop this particular medication. I'm going to stay on the lower dose until after my vacation and his, when my blood work will be back, showing no complicating concerns, and I have a physical. I like the plan.

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep plugging along and do my best!

Love, elly

gifts

Swimming with all 7 grandkids,
Homework with Em,
Table launch down the back yard slide,
Homemade grilled cheese,
Grown kids,
Grown kids in law,
Problem solving,
Dogs,
Sales,
Water,
Sleep.

Night night, elly