ugly

On Wed when I was feeling very sad, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately thought, My sadness is so ugly! I stopped and looked at my face and really feel that it was ugly. I'm not sure if it's from years of being told not to cry or from being told as a child that I was being a suck, or maybe all people are ugly when they cry. I had to stop looking in the mirror because the message was totally negative. I suspect that I feel like no one wants to be around a sad person, so I should just not be sad. I do think it's critical to feel it when I am sad, in order to move through it and move on, but I will no longer look in the mirror! Paula and I got the car transferred into her name today and I'm excited for her. I hope she enjoys it as much as I have! We both answered "yes" at exactly the same time when we had to swear that I was giving it to her and no money was changing hands. Tonight at supper I enjoyed celery sticks with honey dijon dressing. Who would ever have thought that I could enjoy something so simple so much? Yummy!! Love, elly "Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion." Margaret Cho