Progress

I didn't see Talaria much in Nov as she was away. It was a very good exercise in patience. I saw her on Friday and will see her several times more before the end of the year. I actually feel like I'm starting to make some real progress. I'm setting the spring as a goal to reducing and/or eliminating medication.

I told Talaria that the last time I saw her I felt reluctant to address my food concerns because then I wouldn't be able to go home and eat. After getting home, I quickly realized that I'm scared about how hard it could be. So I decided that I was worth the wait and to allow myself whatever time I need to be ready. Of course, that meant that I was ready almost immediately. Thus the exercise in patience, which was very good for me.

She reminded me that it's the reason for eating that we need to treat and we talked about what I get out of it. I know that I punish myself for eating his candy, but that's only a small part of it. If I stuff myself so full that I'm in physical pain, then I don't feel my emotional pain. It's as effective for me as any drug or alcohol. The down side to continuing to do that is that I also don't feel all the joy, love and gratitude in my life. It's just not an option for any length of time.

We did a longer bilateral stimulation, while envisioning enough calming, healing, soothing, and relaxing energy for everything I need. At the same time, I envision letting go of anything I don't need into the earth where it is neutralized. I can't tell you how much I love this. I almost get giddy, but I'm too relaxed and calm!!

I've decided to not assume that my current healthier eating will disappear again. It may fade a little again from time to time, but I know that my commitment to being patient will see me through. The medication may still cause weight gain, but I'll accept that as long as it's not from overeating.

I'm also feeling a reprieve from the "I can't get out of bed!" routine. I still feel fairly foggy a lot of the time from the medication, but I'm waking up a little better and actually got in the pool this morning. I don't think I've been there through the week for at least 2 weeks. It's slow, but it's the right direction, so I'll take it.

I was dreading Christmas shopping, but Kelly advised me about shopping safely online and some of my gifts have already been delivered to my door. I love it! I even made sure to check reviews and almost always paid a little more for better quality. I have a few things that I'd like to make and I'll see how that goes. Above all, patience!

I have a shitty cold and sinus congestion, but if I can avoid the annual bout of bronchitis, I'll count my blessings. It's hard enough dealing with what I suspect is the beginning of dementia in Lucy. She seems to totally forget to go pee when she's outside sometimes, and I need to tell her several times to eat. Both of these behaviours are very unusual for her. After the second time she peed on top of my bed, I watch her to make sure she goes before coming back in. More patience!

I've been trying to get together with my kids to talk over what's been going on and ask for support, but there was too much fog, and too little time in their busy lives. I finally decided just to email all of them and I did that before starting this post. They're all pretty awesome people and I'm blessed to have them around.

Sisters weekend didn't happen this fall because the girls went to Florida, but I'm hoping that we can get together for a meal over the holidays. I look forward to this semiannual routine and miss the renewal I always feel after spending a weekend with my sister friends.

I'm determined to be at least a little more consistent with posting as well. It's always a gift to me when I manage it, but that doesn't guarantee it's gonna happen either.

Many blessings, friends.
Love, elly