I love my job, but some days are so incredibly hard that you can't even imagine it. I've already tried several times to describe it and then erased it. Some days my heart aches for them, but I can't change it or help them. It doesn't help them if I add their pain to mine so I need to remember that it's theirs. Some days all I can do is stay calm and be there. It's enough.
I made day 2 to the pool! I think I'll start a streak. My sleep is better and I'm feeling able to get up in the morning, even though I still have times during the day when I feel so tired that my eyes cross. It's a huge improvement, and I'm grateful for it.
I'm excited that I'm going to see a lot of my tribe next weekend as we prepare food to share with others. The day is relaxing and fun; exactly what a family Christmas party should be. There will be lots of idiots there, maybe a few little cuties to snuggle, and an abundance of love and good food.
I'm sitting in my warm house, with my crazy dogs, full of good food. I'm thinking about my wonderful children, and their partners and children, and my sisters and brothers and their partners and children. I can turn on a movie or be entertained by a game. I have clean clothes and a comfortable bed. I have a phone to contact who I want and internet to shop with. I have a Christmas tree that my grandsons helped to decorate. I have orchids in my window that are alive! I have indoor facilities, where I can clean myself and shit as many times as I like. I have a vehicle that will take me anyplace I need to go. I have enough books that I can read whenever I want! I'm rich beyond compare!
Love, elly
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