Christmas

Yesterday was my family's Christmas gathering, and even though we were missing several of the gang, it was wonderful. So many of the next generation have families of their own now, which was great to see. Watching them interact together differently than when they were younger. Watching the awesome parenting happening in spite of all the mistakes we made with them. Watching all the grandkids there playing together and running around; well the ones that are old enough to run anyway.

There was discussion about whether we were willing to have CTV come to our next gathering. Niece Carla, whose hair salon services a lot of the CTV crew, told them how we spend the day and they asked if they could film us as they like to show people celebrating in different ways. While the consensus was that we didn't want them invading our gathering, there was extended conversation about the benefits to the recipients if others were inspired to do the same. I would love to see Carla, Sammie, Megan, Adrian, Tim, Matt, Andy, Rachel, Maisie, Jake, Melissa, and any other of the young 'uns talk about it on air. I think that would be fabulous!

As well as the usual massive cook fest that happened to feed the less fortunate, there were helium balloons, gingerbread houses, a puppy, homemade soup and other goodies to eat and lots of beautiful babies to celebrate. I especially enjoyed the time that Miss P fell asleep in my arms, and a visit with Jake. The world might still be saved by young men like him! I confess to wasting a few minutes worrying about how I will manage to arrange everything for next year, but it's still a year away, so I was able to dismiss the thought fairly quickly.

I almost always spend a part of this day feeling overwhelmed by how many people there are and wondering how and where my place is among them. Fortunately, this year it happened just as Miss P was tired so I held her and allowed myself just to listen to everyone around me. It's pretty hard to worry or stress about anything while holding a sleeping child, and listening to the chaos and fun generated by a crowd of people who love each other, no matter what. As I arrived back home I had the realization that, for the first time in a long time, I'm really fortunate to be alive. Merry Christmas to all!

I think my exhaustion last night was more emotional than physical, but I had a good sleep and feel good today. I went to the Y with Tim and his kids, did some shopping, tidying and cooking, and shoveled the driveway.

I really enjoy some of the corny Christmas movies that are on this time of year, and while I was doing chores, I had a movie on TV. At some point, I thought that the tenants were cooking or baking something that smelled delicious. After a while it started to smell like it was burning. I didn't really worry about it at first, until I remembered that I heard them leave at some point. It kept smelling worse and I eventually decided I should call to see if anyone was home. That's when I got up, walked to the kitchen and took the burnt pot of carrots off the stove. It amazed me that I had immediately suspected the tenants, even though I've never smelled anything burned from upstairs, while I forget stuff all the time! That's why I've already gotten rid of all my candles. I can't be trusted!

I don't know if I adequately expressed how I've felt the last few days. A small part of me is starting to believe that I will come out of this challenge feeling healthier, stronger, and happier than I ever have the right to expect or hope for. The truth is that my hope is stronger than ever! I believe.

Love, elly