I don't know how they do it!

Really, I don't know how people do all the things that are expected and necessary for living these days. By the time I finish work, I'm lucky if I can make supper, feed the dogs, blog and get into my pjs before I crash. If there's something to be done that has any emotional energy attached to it, it's even harder to accomplish. Included in that list for me are things like paying bills, changing beneficiaries on my pension plan and life insurance, remembering or changing passwords, discussing contentious items and asking for help.

I don't know how much of my difficulty getting things done is related to my EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome), and it's such a complex disorder that I don't really think there's any way to know for sure. Depression due to the lengthy and difficult diagnosis is common, as well as varying degrees of exhaustion caused by the constant inflammation associated with it. I know everyone handles it differently as well, as my youngest daughter gets so much done, no matter how challenging her symptoms are.

For me, I still think it's healthier to struggle a bit and not increase my antidepressant, as increasing it is depressing in itself. My kids and my siblings are all so competent and just "git 'er done", that it's hard not to feel inadequate in comparison. So many of them have huge challenges that they face and still find time and energy to help others. I don't know how they do it!

Probably the most destructive part of it all is listening to the criticism that plays out in my head. Sometimes I can face that down and win the argument. Other days I know there's no argument at all, but still others I simply cower under the weight of it. Today was one of those days, but I refuse to allow 2 of them in a row. Tomorrow I will accept that what and who I am is enough. Till then, good night!

"Sometimes I'm so tired, I look down at what I'm wearing, and if it's comfortable enough to sleep in, I don't even make it into my pajamas. I'm looking down, and I'm like, 'T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that's fine. It's pajama-y, good night.'" Rebecca Romijn

Love, elly