While I was aware most of the night that my finger (middle, right hand) was not straightening, I still thought maybe I could force it open. Not so, nor could the Dr. Eventually, after consulting with a surgeon, he injected the tendon in my palm with a steroid and an analgesic, and pulled it open. Even though it was numb, the relief when it popped was intense. Now I'm wearing a splint, which doesn't fit well, and I've had to adjust to make it do what it needs to do. Eventually I will do some physio, which likely won't help...
The biggest problem for me physically is not having the use of my right hand for anything. I'm going to have to figure out how to chop food to cook and eat, do dishes, wipe my ass, shower, etc, etc... The really big problem, though, isn't physical at all, it's mental. How do I not give up? How do I think I can be a landlord, when I don't know how I'm gonna take care of my own basic needs? I can't use a drill or screwdriver. Being at Teresa's and not feeling safe to get on the roof was the beginning. I can't help but be afraid that I will be able to do less and less as the effects of the disease meets with my aging body. However, I know that for me, as for most people, the fear about it is the worst part; the "not knowing". As I learn to deal with it, one day at a time, I trust that will dissipate. I've always known I was this stubborn for a reason!
That's all for tonight, as I keep having to correct when my splinted finger hits a key I didn't intend...
Thanks for the listen. Love, elly
I can actually imagine how frighteneing that must be. Like you said however, I bet you're too stubborn to let it get the better of you. In the meantime please know that I will come and do for you whatever your right hand is temporarily incapable of. With the exception perhaps of wiping your ass. Besides, if you had grown up in some parts of India you would already know how to do that with your left, since the right is used exclusvely for eating! Hey wait! It just occurred to me that if you adopted those cultural practices, it would have the added benefit of curbing your eating!! Woohoo!! It also occurs to me that your middle finger sticking straight up would be a good point of focus for your attitude towards this illness. With the same courage that you have demonstrated towards all of life's difficult challenges Elly, I encourage you to simply give it the big "up yours"!!
ReplyDeleteSerendipity my friend! Love you to the moon and up!
Peter