I went to a funeral this morning for a woman my age. She was a beautiful woman with a loving husband (35 years), two beautiful daughters and sons in law, and four lovely grandchildren. Her parents are both lovely people who I've known for years. She and her sister were both nurses and two of the kindest, gentlest angels of mercy this world will ever know. Cory, Mary and I all know her from her time at St Joseph's hospital. I also spent time with her and her husband on the baptism team at St Joseph's Church. They are down to earth, kind people.
She died because she couldn't find any other way to make her pain go away. She died because she couldn't see a way past her depression. She died even though people loved her and she loved people.
Today I'm very grateful that no matter how dark the days may be, I know I will always get through them. I appreciate learning years ago that I don't always have the answers, but giving up is not an option. We still have so much to learn about treating mental illness. She and her husband both had a very strong faith and one thing I know for sure is that god did not abandon or judge her. My god loves her.
I also woke up today to the realization that I'm more than a little triggered by my decision to be part of the documentary called "...and I survived". It's a good awareness and I'm grateful that I took the time to know it. I decided not to weigh myself today and to be gentle with myself. I've also decided to have my good friend Lee with me during taping. If I eat too much of the wrong things this week, I'm okay with that. I promise that I will survive.
Love, elly
Fuckingfantabulous blog! So! First, I love your god, and I thing I may have the same god because he doesn't judge her but loves her too. Second, the fact that you are aware of your trigger and to decide to go ahead anyway! Wow.......You will survive.
ReplyDeleteLove you more because I can!
I respect her decision. I call it courageous. And either we know the same God Elly, or they just feel the same way. My god welcomes her as well.
ReplyDeleteAnd as to learning more about mental health, it's a slow process only because of an unwillingness to accept it as illness. If we employed more resources in this area I believe it would significantly reduced the cost of medical care for illnesses of the body.
And a bit of advice for your eating this week. Every time you eat some junk food, eat a banana as well. :)
Love
Peter
That's hilarious. Neither Roo nor I had seen the others comment until after they were posted! Amazing! Apparently lots of gods think alike. And so perhaps do we eh?
ReplyDeleteLove
Peter
My God fits right in, he doesn't judge or restrict access. You are a seriously tough broad! and I hope you take that with all the respect that I mean it.
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Isabella