scared

The weeks since school started have had some challenges, but I trusted that I would overcome them and return to a more stable emotional journey. However the last few days have shattered any confidence I might have had and I have felt scared for the first time since starting the program. Scared that I've forgotten everything I learned, scared that I'll revert to my old ways and scared that I'll start to believe the negative thoughts rather than focus on the positive.

I did some reading this evening and am thinking about a few things. I need a strategy for eating, or rather not eating, at work. I know that if I've been out of control at work it is not likely to improve when I get home. I did get to Costco to buy a slow cooker and will try it out tomorrow. I'm also thinking about how I might change some emotional triggers going forward.

I went to help Teresa and Brett with the roof today, but my joints felt too unstable to get on the roof, so I made myself as useful as possible on the ground. It was challenging not to be in the thick of things, but listening to them work I realized that I no longer have the same challenge with needing to be in charge of a project. It was really nice to be there.

For today I can accept that I don't have it under control, but I like the things I'm doing. I will think positive thoughts. I can do this. I will find the way.

"Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." John Wayne

Love, elly