Sewer problems, not new, but still a pain in my ass. They will be resolved one way or another, sooner or later and I don't really care. Strike vote, not new, but a pain in my ass. It will be resolved one way or another, sooner or later and I don't really care. My friend Barbara, one of a kind, lovely, genuine and true, gentle and generous, died last night. I have been blessed to have known her, I miss her terribly, and I really care! My old friend Elenor (82) cried when she called to tell me. I love her so much, it broke my heart almost as much as the news she delivered, and I really care!
I'm eating everything in sight and it makes me think I'm getting close to the answer. I'm also getting mad, which also makes me think I'm getting close to the answer. I'm angry about the people I care about that are sick or dying. I'm angry that the woman who died last week will never have to hear how angry I am about the things she said and did to me, that I never challenged because at the time, it was my job to represent her. I'm angry that the people she lied to about me will never know that they're lies. I'm angry that she never knew or cared how much she hurt me. I'm angry that people are making her out to be an angel now that she's dead, rather than the messed up person she was. I'm angry that people are passing around happy pictures of her. I'm angry that I won't be able to tell her that I forgive her, if I ever get there. I'm really angry!
I might need to talk some more about it, as that helps me to let it go. If I continue to let my anger at her make me unhappy, then I should be angry with myself. The more aware I become, the more I will be able to let it go. She did the best she could, as we all do, but I still have the right to be angry that she made my life hell....and let it go...
Thanks for hangin' with me through that and for listening. I appreciate you!
Love, elly
You certainly do have the right to feel angry about all of those things. It has been my experience that more than a few minutes of anger can be quite destructive, and anger about things you cannot change is pretty much useless. To me, it is more important to realize that you also have the right to feel good things like love and happiness and joy! Choose to focus on those feelings, let the anger go away where it has no control over you.
ReplyDeleteLove hoj
I completely agree with you John that love, joy and happiness are better sentiments than anger. That being said I don't think that anger in itself should be denied. While I concur that anger expressed the wrong way, or in the wrong situation can indeed be destructive, I believe that the opposite can also be true. To express ones feelings of anger in the right forum, and with people you trust can be quite healthy.
ReplyDeleteAnd Elly, I too have been unfairly judged for actions I never committed, and it's a violated kind of feeling. To help me through those feelings I usually try to remind myself of all those times I did do something wrong, and never got caught!! There's been lots of them :)