and sleep did not come

I know it has at least a little to do with the ten pound knot in my gut, which in turn has a lot to do with the end of my marriage. I'm disappointed and sad and yet I have no regrets. I gave it all the love I had and I thought that would be enough, which is the thing that is disappointing. I have suspected for several weeks that this was coming, but continued to have hope. Now my hope is that we will continue to be kind to each other as we go through the transition. There are a lot of unanswered details right now and neither of us want to make big decisions while we are grieving, as I believe we both are. I did manage to have my 4 shakes today, but not yesterday. I only managed it today by adding less water, so it was less to consume. It just feels like there isn't any room in there right now. At the same time, I do not want to lose any lean muscle by not having the proper nitrition. I haven't had any broth or veggies for several days, but at least I am determined to get the shakes in. I am so grateful for having had this marriage and for knowing and loving this man. He has a huge heart and he's not perfect, as none of us are. I am also very grateful that several months ago I was able to make the decision to take better care of myself, like I have never been able to do before. You might think that I might be tempted now to be overwhelmed with sadness and just stuff it down with food, but I feel even more resolve. That decision was and contiues to be for me. The agreement is with myself to find other ways to address my emotions, even now. I weighed in at the Y this morning at 228 pounds, for a total loss of 66 pounds, with 9 more to go to my next goal. Tonight I am determined to sleep! elly I love this quote and the fact tht it reminds me of dad, "Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations." Red Skelton