Patience

...has never been my strong suit. However, I'm gonna learn to get better and better at it. I remember years ago trying to physically force the feelings out of my belly, and I could never get enough pressure to push it out. I'm realizing again that the gentle easy way might take longer, but I believe it will be more effective.

Today Talaria had me practice a calming technique that we will continue to work on as we progress through the desensitization section of the treatment. She had me go through it once and then start by describing a very low stress situation, then following with the exercise. Next appointment we will also continue to do more work with my parts, to which I have added ashamed and daredevil.

I asked her before I left when she thought we might start on the reprogramming part and she told me that she is consulting with someone else later in the week, but she suspects that we will have 10 or 12 sessions to firmly establish the desensitization and make sure that she understands what's going on with all my parts. She said that this is partly because she thinks I have complex PTSD, rather than simple. The biggest difference apparently is that in complex, your body actually feels like you're going to die. I guess it explains a lot about why I feel this so much in my body. It was a little disappointing to know it will take this long, but I do feel like it's the right approach for me.

I also think I might have to make a career change, because it seems when I'm most anxious that pulling up weeds, digging in the dirt and planting things is exactly what I need. I've had to spread my skills to Kelly's and Tim's houses!

I also faced something about my marriage today that wasn't easy, but it went better than I feared. Onward and upward!

I claim my right to calm, healthy, healing energy.
Love, elly