Getting my legs back under

The past month has been challenging. I've had some good awarenesses, and also some darkness. I think I'm getting back on my feet a bit and I'm grateful. Not blogging every day makes it harder to remember what I've already told you, but I don't really care and I doubt any of you do either. If I'm repeating myself, ignore me. If I've left out something and it doesn't make sense, just accept that it's often that way for me too.

I talked to Talaria about my concerns at work. I've been unprofessional in some things I have shared and also with my language, in front of students. The things were out of my mouth before I even knew I was going to say them. Considering that I've already been in trouble for swearing in front of adults, I was concerned that maybe I wasn't well enough to work. She told me that it's not uncommon to return to an earlier age emotionally, when doing this type of work. While she agreed that I do need to be in charge of it, being aware is important, and she thinks I'm fine to work. She also told me that it happens with lots of people who work with teens, as part of you tries to meet them where they are. She has been aware of doing that in her work with teens too.

We talked about how much support I get from my siblings and some of their partners. I told her that I had realized again, how safe I feel with them and that I know they help me when I need something. I also told her that I think it's pretty rare to have that many people love you unconditionally and she agreed. I also remembered how much mom and dad relied on their siblings and how obvious it was that they cared about one another. It's truly one of the greatest gifts mom and dad gave us, each other. Their siblings were obviously their best friends too, and they modelled that.

She assured me that the things I'm experiencing are very normal after a traumatic experience and she said that a group she runs for women all tell her the same things. At some point she said "Some of us" who are sensitive feel it even more deeply than others. Again, it told me I'm not alone.

I'm feeling much more like myself again, and I like that. I went to market with Adrian, Aubrey, Penelope, Daniel, Sam and Kelly and then spent the day with Tim's kids. I'm tired, but it's a good tired.

Much love, elly