One of the things I need to accomplish before I start the EMDR is being in a safe state. I used to think of it as a safe place to go to in my mind, but I like this idea better. I need to be the safe place. I need to know how to stay in a safe state. Easier said than done, obviously.
I've been working on an assignment, that has me looking at 7 times in my life that were very difficult, what beliefs I had about myself at those times and how much those times still make my life difficult in the present. I've chosen to start at the end, rather than the beginning, as it seems the earlier hardships are much more difficult. I think all my years of counseling have given me strategies to deal with the things I experienced as an adult, whereas the childhood struggles are still much more painful.
I think this new medication is having a huge positive impact. However, I'm still feeling fairly groggy a lot of the time, and don't trust myself to drive out of town yet. I'm also gaining weight faster than ever. I'm not stressing about it and feel like I'm ready to look at healthier options as my agitation decreases.
People at work are very supportive and the principal makes sure that I know when the social worker bully is visiting.
It was a cluster fuck at work yesterday, but it was the fuckers who think standardized testing is important that were responsible. They get a huge FAIL for their online test. Almost 200000 kids across Ontario, and proctors for all of them, trying to log on at the same time. After 2 hours I finally got on my proctor site, but my student was still waiting. Did I mention that this is a timed test? We eventually got 3 students writing, only to be told at 1130 that they were cancelling it.
Get this; they're not allowed to use a dictionary! It's very like saying that you can't use a calculator for a math test. We're not even allowed to have casual conversation with them, unrelated to anything on the test. When we work with students with extreme anxiety, it goes against everything we do on a daily basis. It's supposed to be a literacy test, but it really only measures how well they perform on command, not how literate they are. Total and absolute bullshit, and a huge waste of resources. The costs, just for today, would be astronomical.
I think this proof that I can still pull off a good rant is evidence that I'm more myself again.
Love, elly
I love a rant because then I can get in on it too! I agree. Get rid of standardized testing. But at the same time we need to figure out which half of the teachers we need to fire! We also need to pay the other half twice as much, and then cut the school day in half. Voila! You now have a focused teaching environment instead of a babysitting environment. We may need to spend a few more bucks on teaching assistants that are under the direct supervision of the teachers, but they would be there exclusively to do the task work assigned them....not to teach. Good teachers are worth their weight in gold. They are few and far between, and we should not allow those without the aptitude to mess with our kids heads!!! Our kids are being bored into submission!!
ReplyDeletePhew! I think I just outranted you on your very own blog. Sorry.
And good luck on your continued assignment. :)
Love
Peter
awesome blog! It's definitely harder to stay in a safe place. It takes work! I hear you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest and sharing!
Love Roo