brain activity

I really do feel that, for me, this addiction is quite similar to drugs and alcohol. Have you ever tried to reason with an alcoholic or drug addict when they're drunk or high? Have you known any who developed a plan to get sober while they were stoned? Trying to get through to myself when in a food induced stupor feels just like that...my heart is there but my brain just keeps saying, "More!", "Stuff it down!" "Get something else!". I literally feel hungover when I wake up. Obviously, as with all addictions, I'm covering up some pain. It's sad that often it's emotional pain that's not even real anymore, in that I've come to terms with it and moved on, but my brain is so incapacitated that it doesn't realize that. Similar to the way we sometimes worry about stuff that never even happens...

Needless to say, I'm appreciating having some relatively (for me) normal brain activity back today and my choices reflected that. What I noticed more than anything with this restored processing was how very tired I still am. I'm not sure if it's my age making recovery from surgery slower, or just my age, or some other obscure reason, but I do know that if I don't pay attention to it, I will be in trouble again. So paying attention to rest right now is the order of the day, week, maybe month.

I remember when I started at the clinic being sure that I could never eat chocolate or have it in the house. While I now believe that I can occasionally treat myself to chocolate, I also know that it will not reside with me. The chocolate chips I still have are going to school tomorrow, unless someone claims them before that, and the chocolate chip cookies that I got to thank my doctors are going out tomorrow as well...at least the ones that are still left. You nailed this one, Pete!

Thank you for all of the love, support, challenge, ideas, comfort, encouragement, and mostly, for believing in me. elly

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." Dalai Lama

"The emotional brain responds to an event more quickly than the thinking brain." Daniel Goleman