learning

I know I have a lot to still figure out, so it's a good thing that I'm not planning on checking out anytime soon.

I was going to tell you that I fell off the wagon again, but I'm not sure that I did.  A food addiction is different from others only in that you still need to partake to live.  Mary's ribs were divine and I had more than I needed to live.  However, I didn't eat until I was stuffed or uncomfortable.  I think there must be a fine line between eating a regular meal and losing control.  I didn't feel craving after, I didn't feel driven or hungry.  When I woke up this morning (at 6 am when B called to pick him up as his truck was held at the border) I wasn't hungry, but I also didn't feel the need to eat.  At 10, I was ravenous and I ate.  I think it may take me a while to get comfortable that every time I eat a regular meal instead of just many small meals here and there, that I doesn't mean that I'm losing control.  I still feel balanced and good.

I do not understand why I feel like this now, when there have been so many times that I have tried and tried to find this and couldn't.  Just for today I will accept without understanding, be grateful and keep learning.

Living in gratitude, elly

"It doesn't hurt to be optimistic, you can always cry later."  Lucimar Santos De Lima